thoughts ≠ sx

complications and crushes

dear boys,

how about you not play with my feelings, thank you very much?

i've never had a crush on anyone- so i'm kind of inexperienced with this whole "who likes who" game. it's never involved me.

my friends have had no reason to suspect me liking someone, but now they have reasons to suspect you liking me?

gosh.

if you are going to have a crush on me- or any girl really- please feel free to enlighten us?

i know i can not expect that- because i know that i myself would not be walking around telling my objects of affection about my infatuation with them, but i'm not a mind reader!

and boys who think the best way out is to cut that person out completely...

you are being awful.

never, ever think that cutting a girl out is the right way to ignore a crush, okay.

because we will spend days and weeks and possibly months trying to guess why you suddenly stopped talking to us (or in my slightly more extreme case, why you called me annoying and obsessive when i asked you why you didn't sit with me on the first day of school when you've been sitting next to me for a year and a half) or why you paid a girl five bucks to switch your seat to the other side of the room or why you seem to be staring at me when i walk down into the cafeteria.

and the staring?

it makes us uncomfortable.

although the media maybe appeals to that kind of thing: if we catch you staring, we'll blush and be all flattered.

i'm really, really sorry, but if i caught someone staring at me i'd probably be second guessing any interactions i've ever had with them, any "platonic" touches or smiles and i would be too freaked out to even be flattered by the fact that your eyes are glued to my person.

and yes- i am aware that it's probably hard for you. i mean..i'll never make the first move. i'm anxious. social anxiety isn't fun. there's no way i'd march up to you and declare my affection- sorry.

and yeah, i'll probably be really bad at showing the whole affection thing too- guys make me nervous in general. what you think could be a blush in your direction is probably just that, but i blush in boys' presences because i get anxious, not really because i like them.

i'm very sorry.

so, i do understand that it's probably quite hard to be crushing on me, but please, don't confuse girls or push them away because you don't know how to feel about them.

it hurts us too.

it's confusing, and chances are it makes things worse: if that boy came up to me and said "i just didn't know what i was feeling" i'd probably slap him.

and maybe apologize after.

but...

just don't do it, alright?