I used to be such a pussy that got high key bullied in elementary and low key bullied in middle school like wtf bruh why am I starting to defend myself now?? I used to hate makeup and my hair and like??? Idk if me becoming a bitch is a good thing but oh man is it confusing. Never mind. This isn't going to be the transformation post I wanted. It's not going to leave me empowered and proud of myself like I wanted. Honestly fuck you guys I don't care, I'm so tired of all this pressure to be something I'm not. They can't honestly think I'm going to get into a good college and get married and make bank like wtf?? I'm just a stressed teenager that has no future and the thought of leaving this world has never left my mind tbh. I mean I'm not going to do it, I have a family that's depending on me. But it's too much. I want to be able to have a job where I enjoy doing my job, but that's a dream I'll never achieve. Considering how unlucky I am. How am I going to pay for medical school? I'm not good enough for a scholarship and I'm broke. I don't want to be opening up people and shit, wtf. I'll never be able to love either. It's just not going to happen, considering the circumstances. I take that back, I can love, but not be loved back. Or make it public. All in all, this is not the life I was hoping for. I don't want to get into detail, I just felt like venting. Typing this stuff out and physically reading my thoughts calms me. I'm not going to pussy out of life, but I am getting tired. Now this is going to sound reaLLY PUSSy-like but I'm tired of showing this fake persona and I wish I could just be who I want instead of what my family and friends want to see. And I really wish that my life didn't have to revolve around school and money. Marry a rich guy and live an easy life, you're bored and full of regret. Go to med school and be super rich, be surrounded by material possessions and people who are only using you. Go to school and study what you want, don't succeed and be drowning in debt. I can't win. It's too much, and I really wish I had a friend.
