Loneliness H.S

Chapter Thirty One

After they dragged me away yesterday we went to a hotel, and stayed there for the night. No one talked to each other, it was just silent. My tears stopped as soon as Harry was out of my sight, leaving me to just stare blankly at nothing. I could feel the others being worried about me, but I didn't care. All I could think about was Harry, and how it isn't fair that he is there all alone.

Louis, and Alexandra found this place called Los Angeles, and booked five plain tickets there for today. I didn't say anything when they asked me if I was okay with going, because I know it won't be healthy for me to stay here.

Nevertheless I wanted to say goodbye to Harry before we leave, so here I am walking back the same path I was dragged down yesterday, and within seconds I find myself in front of the shield.

Harry is no where to be seen, but with his vampire hearing I know he will be able to hear me if he listens closely. "I know you can hear me, Harry." Is the first thing I say. "We are leaving, all of us, to a place called Los Angeles. The plane leaves in an hour, so I don't have much time to talk."

I feel stupid standing here talking to myself, but I'm not, because he's here, I can feel. "I just wanted to say goodbye." My voice breaks as a lump grows in my throat.

I don't know what to say. How do you say goodbye to someone you love? "I have always thought that when someone say they love someone to the moon and back it was cute, but now I realize that it's quite heartless considering the size of the universe. If I was going to measure my love for you in size I would compare it to the whole universe, because I am certain that it's more to it then what people can see, just like my feelings for you." I take a deep breath hoping he's listening.

"I know you didn't tell me because you wanted me to experience my dream, but I'd give up everything if you had just asked me to. My dream isn't buying an apartment with a good view anymore, my dream is to be able to wake up next to you every morning, and fall asleep in your arms every night." I sit down on the ground as tears escapes my eyes and run down my cheeks. I want him to see me, I want him to regret his decision so he will try to bring me back to him.

"Is this easy for you? To just let me go." I ask as if he is just going to appear in front of me, and tell me how terrible he feels. How his heart is breaking more and more every second he thinks about not being able to see me again. "I know that some people say that when you love someone you should let them go, but that's bullshit, Harry. When you love someone you should hold them close, and beg to god you never have to."

I stand up, and try to take a deep breath to calm down, but it's not working. Before I know what I'm doing I kick the shield as hard as I can, and let out a scream of pain. "Fuck, Harry!" I scream out as if it was his fault I did it. "Why? Why would you think I would be okay out here whiteout you? Why couldn't you just be selfish this once!" I shake my head before looking up at the sky trying to prevent more tears from coming.

I take several deep breaths calming more, and more down for each breath. "I want to thank you." I whisper. "For making me feel loved, and making me happy." I don't know if he can hear me, but I say it anyway. "All my life I have known that there is a big difference between being alone, and feeling alone. I have always enjoyed being alone, but have also always hated the loneliness that comes with it. I want to thank you for taking that part away. Even when I was alone you were on my mind, and it was as if you were there. I could finally enjoy being alone whiteout feeling lonely, so thank you."

I take a few steps away from the shield. "I have to go now, but I want you to know that I love you, so, so much. You were the first person I gave my heart to, and you're the one that's going to keep it until I take my last breath, I promise." I press my palm up against the shield feeling another tear roll down my cheek. "Goodbye."