Loneliness H.S

Chapter Eighteen

A loud bang shoots through the room.

The sound of thunder makes me jump up from the couch and look around the living room in a frantic motion. I notice where I am and start to make my way up to Harry's room, but I quickly stop when I remember what happened just a few hours ago. I look over at the clock hanging on the wall to see that it's around four am.

Instead of walking upstairs I walk into the library. Once I step inside I turn to the mirror hanging on the wall. I look match exactly how I feel, terrible. I take my hand up to the bandage on my neck. I shouldn't rip it off just to look at it, so I bring my hand back down deciding on leaving it alone.

Yet another bang fills the room making my head snap in the direction of the only window in here. I make my way over stopping right in front of it looking at the rain running down the glass, and the trees dancing in the wind outside. No one is in here, no one is awake. This would be the perfect time to cry, so I do, I cry, for the first time since it all happened I let myself cry. I don't have to worry about anyone seeing me, and asking if I'm okay constantly. When people ask that they already know the answer, they know you're not okay, but they ask anyway hoping that you'll say yes so they don't have to sit there with you anymore saying things like "It's going to be okay." and "You'll get through this." They just ask so they can feel good about themselves like they did a good deed.

I'm not okay, I'm not okay with being bitten in the neck by the person I felt safest with, I'm not okay with being alone while there is thunder outside, mostly I am not okay with the fact that the person I have strong feelings for looked at me tonight like the thing he wanted most in the world was to kill me, because nothing hurts more than actually being hurt by the only person that has promised to never do so.

I bring my hands up to my face burying it in my shaking hands. My head is aching from all the thoughts my head creates to bring me down even further than I already am. The thoughts are so loud that I don't even hear someone coming into the room until the person speaks up saying "I'm sorry."

I recognize the voice as soon as the words leave his mouth. I turn around back up against the window to get even more space between us then there already is. "Why are you down here?" I asked wondering why he is here at the same time as me when he must know that I don't wish to see him at the moment.

"I was in my room, and I heard you crying. I can hear really well since I'm a vampire you know." He says awkwardly as he points to his ear with one hand, keeping the other in the pocket of his sweatpants. Something he usually does when he is nervous.

"Yeah, you reminded me of that some hours ago." I snap at him in return. He sighs out in clear disappointment at himself. He should be disappointed, he should feel bad, he should feel exactly the way I feel right now. Hurt, scared and betrayed.

"Look, I am so, so, so sorry, and I know that doesn't fix what I did, but I want you to know that I truly am sorry. I promised I wouldn't hurt you, and that's exactly what I did. There is no excuse in the world for what happened, and I don't expect you to forgive me, I just want you to know that I am sorry." He looks down at his bare feet being too ashamed to meet my eyes.

"Listen, Harry. I don't know if I can forgive you. Alexandra did the same, and I forgave her, but I don't want you to expect the same, because this is different. You really hurt me not only physically, but also mentally. You made me a promise and I believed you. She earned my forgiveness, and you can try to do the same, but I'm not making any promises." I tell him letting him know that me forgiving him isn't impossible, but it's going to take time and effort.

"I know, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make you forgive me, I promise you that, and this promise I am going to keep." He gives me a smile making me feel like he means what he is saying.

"That's good to hear," I say giving him a weak smile in return. I soon feel sleep wash over me, but I know I can't go to sleep without Harry, because of the thunder, and because I have grown too used to his touch at night. "Actually there is something you can do for me right now."

"Anything." He says seriously.

"Can you sleep here with me, on the floor I mean," I ask hoping he will say yes so I will get at least a little bit of sleep. He probably thinks it's weird why we won't just sleep in his bed, but I'm not ready to go into that room yet.

"Of course, because of the thunder, right?" He asks tilting his head in the direction of the window where there is a storm outside.

"Yeah," I say while I make my way to the couch.

I lay down, and Harry comes over to me with a blanket lying it over me. "Thank you." He gives me a nod and a smile in return. He lays down on the ground beside me with his own blanket and pillow. I turn to lay on my side so I can look at him, however, his attention is on the ceiling instead of me. Nevertheless, after some time he looks at me asking "Can I hold your hand?"

"What?"

"I don't know I just sleep better when I'm holding around you, and you always seem to relax more. You're clearly not ready to let me have you in my arms again, but... I don't know, I just thought that it would benefit both of us." He closes his eyes clearly embarrassed over asking.

I smile and take a hold of his right hand that was resting on his stomach. His eyes shoot open looking at our hands. A smile form on his lips as he intertwines our hands. His green eyes have this weak light in them that is rare to see, especially in his. His eyes meet mine one last time before we bot close our eyes trying to sleep.

I haven't forgiven him, but I did manage to forgive Alexandra, and I care far more for Harry the I did for her back then. It will take time that's for sure, but if he keeps doing what he is doing now it will probably not take as long as I thought, because now he is the guy with the biggest heart that I can feel myself fall for.

Soon after we both fall asleep with a tight grip on each other's hand.