The Aftertaste // Julian Draxler

Chapter 19: Christmas party with the wolves

"I don't think you have seen me with full makeup on either."

"I have seen you wearing just a little makeup, but that is about it." Julian confirmed. "Not that you need any."

"Okay, you're just exaggering now." Amelia sat up, with a playful glare on her face and small smile that was still big enough to show that dimple on her face. "Of course I sometimes need makeup."

"You forgot that I don't see you that often."

"You saw me yesterday while I was going trough the hangover." She raised her eyebrows and giggled.

"I meant usually." Julian sighed slowly. He was definitely getting used to having her around and just talking to her, for a millionth time he will stay alone there again and just be there with a empty space where she should have been.

"Julian?" Amelia asked making him look her in the eyes. "What's wrong?" For some time, he stood quiet there wondering about them two. They were happy, then suddenly one of them was falling apart and it went in circles, but mostly they missed each other like crazy. Unlike her, he didn't have finished university or the brains to work whatever he wanted. Julian was stuck with football and it was his choice, but his choice was also sticking with the woman he shouldn't have and against his own will he started loving her more than himself and everything about her. Julian was selfish when it came to her, he loved her selfishly and because he loved her that much, he couldn't bare to stop her from leaving over and over again.

"I'm just tired." Just because Amelia acted like she believed his words, didn't mean she really believed what he said. It was partly true, what he had said.

"Go take a nap, yeah?" Amelia suggested, getting up feeling her body get colder when she ended ghe physical contact with Julian. In the other hand, Julian frowned being in wonder that Amelia actually believed him. Or she really didn't. "If you're tired of course." Julian's jaw clenched slightly, and his eyes glared into the wall behind Amelia's backs. She was provoking him and she knew it. Amelia knew how to make him go angry in seconds and she was doing it. "I don't know of what exactly."

"You know it very well." He said slowly, trying not to yell out in frustration.

"I can't read minds, Julian."

"I'm tired of having you around only when shit happens in your life and then leaving as soon as it gets better." This time both of them glared at each other. Amelia especially.

"Yes Julian I'm so sorry." She snapped. "I'm so sorry that you decided to move, I'm so sorry than my life is, let's be honest, in deep shit and I'm so sorry for believing you the most. You really think I would come only then?"

"But you do? You're only here when you are falling apart." He stood up, hovering over her slightly shorter frame. "You're only here when you can't take it no more, and I can't watch you like that without falling apart myself."

"I FALL APART BECAUSE I'M NOT WITH YOU!" She screamed in his face furiously. "AND WHEN I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE, I JUST NEED TO KNOW YOU'RE ACTUALLY IN MY LIFE!"

"When wasn't I there?" He said angrily and slightly hurt deep inside. "When wasn't I there, in your life?"

"I never said, that you weren't, just sometimes some things are too much for me to handle especially if things become too overwhelming." She sighed, feeling guilty for screaming at him. "And sometimes it feels like I'm hanging on that thread that might break anytime soon."

"I'm just tired of you leaving me every time I finally can hold you here."

"And I'm tired of leaving and doubting and asking myself questions and sacrificing so many things for other people."