Music and Lyrics (one-shots)

#27 Perfect by Simple Plan

From Different Ends

*Dedicated to KB, with love and a slap on the face*

--

I have always been a problem child for you. Madalas tayong hindi magkasundo. You wanted me to take up engineering. You know I hate Math but I don't have a choice. You gave me an ultimatum.

Either I become an engineer or you will disown me.

Alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit marinig yun mula sa sarili mong ama?

So I took an entrance exam to this prestige of a school for engineers. Hindi ako nakapasa. At naaalala mo ba ang ginawa mo noon? Sinampal mo ako. Sabi mo, "Entrance exam lang hindi mo maipasa-pasa! How could you be so stupid?!" Nang-gagalaiti ka noon. Halos lumabas na ang litid mo sa leeg sa sobrang galit mo. Pulang-pula ka sa kahihiyan.

Anak ng isang sikat na engineer, hindi makapasa sa isang entrance exam? Nakakahiya, di ba?

"I'm sorry dad," nakayuko kong sabi. Pero alam mo ba, sinadya ko yun. Hindi talaga ako nag-aral. Akala mo nagre-review ako? Hindi. I was slacking off.

Even if I know the answers to some questions, minali ko pa rin sila, on purpose. Akala ko kase, you'll let it go after that. Mali pala.

"I'll talk to the school's administrators. You'll take that exam again. Uulit-ulitin mo hanggang sa makapasa ka!" banta mo.

Doon sa school na yun mo ako pinakuha ng exam nang paulit-ulit hanggang sa maipasa ko ito. Pasang-awa pa nga. Alumna ka ng school na yun kaya palagi kang updated sa mga ginagawa ko.

You always check with my teachers to see how I am doing with my studies. Hindi pipwede sa 'yo ang pasang-awa. I have to be 95% or above with all the grades on all my subjects. No more, no less.

Kaya napilitan akong mag-aral. Sinunod ko lahat ng gusto mo.

You even hired a tutor for me. You made me take extra classes. You bought a lot of books. You made me attend all the seminars available.

Wala na akong pahinga. Ni hindi na ako makapag-online dahil dyan.

You made my life revolve around Math and I hated it. I hate every fucking second of it.

You said that I will eventually learn to love it. You said that things will be better. Kelan pa dad? I'm on my third year now and nothing's getting better.

Pakiramdam ko, lumulubog lang ako sa putik na 'to. Nakakalunod na minsan. Hindi ako makaahon.

Pakiramdam ko, ang tanga-tanga ko dahil palagi akong may remedial class. I'm always the lowest in class. I'm always an irregular student.

Hindi ako makasabay sa kanila. At palagi mo akong sinasabihan ng tanga. Na bobo ako. Na simpleng equations lang hindi ko makuha.

But you know what dad? Hindi ako bobo. Sana kase naiintindihan mo yung salitang mahal. Sana naiintindihan mo na kapag hindi ko mahal ang ginagawa ko, hindi ko talaga ito pagbubutihan.

You know I love literature and that I love writing. Ever since I was a little kid, I always want to make up stories about life. That's why I became such a good liar. Bihasa na ako simula pagkabata. I always lie to you yet you somehow manage to get to the truth every single time.

Remember that night when I found you on the backyard, throwing all my works on fire? Remember when I begged you not to and yet hindi ka nakinig?

Naaalala mo ba kung paano mo isinampal sa 'kin yung isang compilation ko?

Masakit dad.

I almost ran away from home but I stayed for mom. Even though she's not with us anymore, alam kong hindi nya gugsustuhing iwanan kita. So for my dear mother in heaven, I decided to stay.

After six years in college, I finally graduated. Akala ko matutuwa ka. Akala ko titigil ka na. Naaalala mo ba noong isinampal mo sa akin ang diploma ko noon? Do you remember how humiliated I was because you did it in front of my teachers and friends?

Ni hindi tayo nag-celebrate. Masakit dad. Parang paulit-ulit mong tinapak-tapakan ang dignidad ko. When will I ever be good enough for you?

Wala na talaga akong planong kumuha ng lisensya noon. Naisip ko, malaki na ako. Dapat ay malaya na akong gawin kung anuman ang gusto ko. But no. You did not stop. You forced me to take the licensure exam. Ilang ulit nga dad?

Parang tatlong taon yata after I graduated, saka lang ako nakapasa. At para saan pa? Natuwa ka ba?

I was finally a licensed engineer pero hindi ako gumawa ng effort para maghanap ng trabaho. Tama na dad. Ayoko na. Hindi ko na talaga kaya. In all my efforts to please you, sarili ko lang ang pinapahirapan ko.

Hindi ka naman sumaya, di ba? At ako, naging miserable lang.

Hindi ko na maalala kung ilang daang beses mo na akong nasabihan ng tanga o bobo.

I decided to finally break free from these chains you've bound me with. I wrote a manuscript and submitted it to this huge publishing company. Suntok sa buwan, sabi ko sa sarili ko. I know I'm good and I trust my works.

Dito sa pagsusulat, dito ako sumasaya.

Dito ako napupuri.

Dito, hindi tanga ang tingin nila sa akin.

After only a few weeks, I was able to get a reply from the company. They said that they loved my work and they can't wait to publish it. I was so happy dad. Pero alam mo bang hindi ko maibahagi sa 'yo yung kaligayahan na nararamdaman ko? Hindi ko maibahagi sa 'yo dahil alam kong hindi mo rin naman maiintindihan.

You deal with numbers and logic and common sense. I deal with imagination.

You stick with facts. I stick with fiction.

Magkaibang-magkaiba nga tayo. You will never understand me. I can never understand you. We see things on different ends but you know what? Tanggap pa rin kita. Tanggap ko lahat ng bagay na mahal mo. Why can't you do the same for me?

Dad, I am not stupid. I just can't see things the way you do. I just can't love the same things you do.

It was a year after my book was published when I returned home to visit you. I wanted to say I'm sorry but I don't regret the last part. I only regretted having no courage to break free from you so early on.

I saw you on the living room, sitting on your favorite couch.

Binabasa mo ang libro ko.

Hindi nakaligtas sa 'kin nang pahirin mo ang nangingilid mong luha. Nakangiti ka habang binabasa mo iyon pero kasabay ng pagngiti mo ay ang mga luhang pumapatak mula sa mga mata mo.

Naiiyak ka ba sa kwento nating dalawa?

Did you finally realize my potential? Can you now see me as equally brilliant as you? Should you be on my turf, I would have not called you stupid at all.

Because you know what? We see things differently and I know that. I accept our differences. I write about walks of life and people and to be able to do such, it should come from my heart. And that story came from my heart.

Kaya ramdam na ramdam mo.

Lahat ng sakit, nakapaloob sa librong hawak mo.

"Dad," I called out to you. Tumunghay ka at nang makita mo ako, ngumiti ka.

Finally....

You have finally accepted my reality.