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#55 - Do I flirt that much?

Hey Agony Aunt :D

My friends have been telling me that I'm flirting a lot and I don't want to portray that image to everyone. They tell me I'm all touchy feely with guys and I'm not sure what to do because again, I don't want to be seen like that. I feel like I'll just make them worried if I just stop doing it altogether. What do I do?

- An Apparent Flirt

::

Helloooooo xD

Okay okay I got this love, I got this - you sound exactly like one of my friends (you know yourself if you're reading this) and therefore I GOTS THIS LOVE. 

1. IDENTIFY WHAT YOU DO AND HOW PEOPLE RECEIVE IT

Sit down with one or two of your close friends and write a list - or better yet, make a table. Ask them what exactly you do that appears flirty, explain why you do it, and then ask how it seems from a third-party viewer. Something like this:

What do I do? Touch his face often

Why am I doing it? Because he said something funny

What do others see/how do observers interpret my action? It is sexually suggestive.

  What do I do? Wink when I laugh.

Why am I doing it? It's a habit.

What do others see/how do observers interpret my action? Like I just wanna get some (if you know what I mean).

So you could use the above questions as a template for a table, and just list allllllll the things your buddies called you out for doing.

 Basically, you won't know how you're being flirtatious unless you actually take a step back and assess your actions. Remember that your friends should help you with it. 

As a result, when you actually know what you do and how others interpret it, you'll know when you're being flirty and try and control yourself.

2. SEE IT FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

Say that you were dating one of the guys you're 'flirting' with, and you see another girl act around him how you apparently act. Would you be happy? Would you get mad at her? 

I think that doing so would be a good indicator as to how flirty your behaviour is, because if you know that you'd get mad at seeing another girl act that way around him, then maybe you'll begin to understand where you're going wrong. 

I think I'd realized this a while ago. So basically what had happened is that this guy came to sit on me but he was heavy af, so he was like "sit on me then!" and I did and I thought nothing of it because girls sit on him like all the time, and I'd done it a million times before anyway...

That was until later when my kind-of really close friend came up to me:

"Were you sitting on his lap earlier this evening?"

"Yea, why? He told me to."

"Remember he has a girlfriend, yea?"

"He does but...everyone always sits on him..."

"Would you sit on my boyfriend's lap?"

"Um...I guess not..."

"If you wouldn't, why would you do that to hers? Imagine how she must feel?"

"That's a fair point."

That conversation made me a lot more conscious about how I act around people. And say that he wasn't dating that other girl, it would still have certain implications if I sat on him! Either way, it was wrong of me to sit on him, end of. But I hadn't realized it until my friend allowed me to see it from a different perspective. If it's not something you'd want someone else to do to your own boyfriend (even though you don't have one, imagine you do), or if it's not something that someone's girlfriend would be mad about, then it probably isn't the right thing to do.

3. EXPRESS THAT YOU WILL TRY AND CHANGE

You say you're worried that your friends may get worried if you suddenly stop. What you should do is that if/when they bring up your flirtatiousness (lol is that a word), tell them that you're working on it. Tell them you're trying to tone it down and everything, and in this way they'll be prepared for it when you minimize it.

4. TRY AND BE CAUTIOUS

Whenever you're with a guy, try and be cautious about how you act around him. If you like him, of course you can flirt. But if you don't, then be wary of what you say, your facial expressions, how and where you touch him. In fact, try and reserve yourself a bit in terms of touching. You can figure out when you're too close, or when you're touching him too much. 

The reason I'm telling you this is that it also affects the guys you're talking to. You could end up leading them on, which is the worst situation to be in. Just think before you do!

YOU CAN BE YOU WITHOUT FLIRTING!!!

I'm serious. You can still you be your fun, energetic self without always having to be overly-suggestive in your gestures. Ask your friends to hold you accountable, such that if they ever find yourself being touchy-feely with a guy and you don't notice, they should come and tell you about it afterwards. Eventually, you'll be able to know what to do and what not to do when it comes to boys! 

Just try and save all your moves for when the sexy-ass mofo comes along.  

;)

Lots of love (but not too much ahahaah),

- genie_us xx