Loop the loop and pull

14: kicking things off

Squidward's POV:
I remember clearly the first time I laid eyes on the curiously mysterious sea snail, although that hasn't always been my opinion on him, of course.
I was in the midst of a frantically passionate clarinet session. The chords were harmoniously awful, but I loved it. Every note I played sounded just as awful as the last, the torturous tune was resonating between the stone, metal and pineapple houses of Bikini Bottom. I was just taking a breathe, preparing to induce even more dread into the minds and souls of fellow residents when I heard a brisk knock at the door. I tried to ignore it, assuming it was a local pensioner or something coming to tell me to stop playing. After 20 seconds the knock repeated. Again and again and again. I let out a nasal moan and dragged my tentacles down the winding stone stairs, an expression of pure indignation painted across my pasty blue face.
Woefully, I retched the door open to see a young, naïve looking snail sat upon my usually vacant doorstep. His small eyes glanced up to meet my own. I was cautious at first, unaware of the substance and intellectual depth the snail held.
"Meow. Meow meow?" He mumbled shyly. I couldn't help thinking at that moment that that he look damn fucking hot, in a sort of innocent, newly legal teen type of way. I remember wanting to drag him inside and have my way with him. Obviously, I didn't. I couldn't.
I opened my door a fraction wider, just enough for him the slither smoothly inside. I admired his unquestionable trust in me. I offered him a drink, some food. He gratefully accepted both. I tried to avoid eye contact as he ate, knowing that it would drive me into a frenzy of pure sexual infatuation to see him with his mouth full of greasy kelp. I wanted to be the kelp. I wanted to be inside him, let him demolish and digest my entire being.
I reached out curiously to pat his shell, my feeble hand shaking slightly as I got closer to his pink swirl of majesty. My fingertips just managed to brush the cold hard sheen of the shell before his head snapped out and out of the bowl of kelp. His eyes slanted accusingly and spitefully. I knew in an instant that I had made a mistake. He glared at me, fire and fury filling his usually expressionless eyes. He proceeded to spit in my face, signalling his odium at even the notion of being touched by me. Within seconds I felt my eyes tear up, my face was burning with rage and embarrassment.
Without thinking I lunged forwards, lifting the helpless snail from his previously comfortable resting position. He began to cry out in terror and trepidation, making me regret what I was about to do even more.
I flung open my hefty door and stepped outside onto the sand outside. I didn't even think about my actions, I don't know why I did it, but I lifted Gary out in front of me, just above my foot. With sheer vexation coursing through my veins, I drop kicked him. He flew for about 25 metres- a personal best. Without looking back, I flounced into the house, hastily slamming the door behind me. Instantly, I sunk to my knees, leaning my back against the door. Hot, fat tears flooded down my sorrowful cheeks, dripping heartily off my chin and landing in a puddle of sorrow before me. How could I let myself do that? He was such a beautiful creature and I'd just potentially destroyed him. I'm a monster, tell the world. Squidward Tentacles is a MONSTER.