Fairy Tail: Icy Sadness

Chapter nine

  I laid with him. It was morbid, but I laid on the couch with the body of my beautiful Gray. There weren't tears left to fall so I laid, numb, with my Gray; his body still slightly warm.
  At some point I fell asleep. I dreamed of being in Gray's arms once more. Of kissing his nose. Of him wrapping his arms around me just feeling his cool embrace. I dreamed of myself laying with him in silent peace, my head against his chest as his heart beat; his chest rising and falling with each breath.
  When I woke up, my head was resting on Gray's chest, but there were no beats to be heard; no sound of air moving in and out of his lungs. Simply nothing.
I called a doctor, and told her calmly what had happened. She arrived at our house-it had become ours just months ago-quickly with a knock at the door.
  I crossed the living room through the kitchen to open the door for her. I only mustered up a half smile in greeting and led her through the house to where Gray lie on the couch.
She took out her stethoscope to listen for any internal noises, took his blood pressure, checked for a pulse, and measured his temperature.
She looked at me and shook her head solemnly, "I'm sorry Natsu, he's gone. When did he take the pills?"
"Probably a few hours ago. I didn't know what to do," I began rambling, "He just slumped against me, and his breathing became light. I didn't know what to do. I froze. I should have called then, I should have called right when he passed out," hot tears were rolling steadily down my cheeks, "I don't know why I didn't. I wasn't thinking. Dammit! I should have called!"
  The doctor moved toward me, but before she reached me I turned and left through the front door. I collapsed on the step just out side of the door. My head fell into my hands.
  I softly whispered, "Dammit," into my hands before yelling, "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" Gradually getting louder.
  I looked to the sky, a dull hue, and screamed. I held my head in my hands and pulled on my hair. I screamed out the pain and anger and regrets. After I screamed out all that I felt, I continued to scream. I screamed because I could scream. I screamed because I had fucked everything up. If I had just called the doctor when Gray slipped into unconsciousness rather than wallow in my own self pity he would have a chance of being alive right now. If I hadn't been so damn selfish he would be here, but if I hadn't been so selfish months ago, he'd have been gone months ago.
  How was I so blind to see he was still in pain. Why didn't I notice the dullness in his eyes. He may have died today, but he had been dead a long time before that. He may not have even been alive when we first met. I didn't know when he was truly alive last. I should have noticed; I should have helped him.
  The doctor came out to me and put her hand on my shoulder lightly, "I'm going to take him back with me. Would you like to say goodbye?"
  I stood up and went back into the house. I kneeled next to Gray. I kissed his forehead lightly and lingered as I inhaled his scent. It was cool and fresh, but it wasn't extremely strong. He smelt like Gray. This was a scent that I had to savor for soon it would be gone forever, just as he is now.
  I stepped away from him and allowed the doctor to carry him away. I reached for him as she lifted him away, but she continued forward, away. This is when the tears fell the hardest. Wet, silent tears rapidly poured from my eyes. I knew this would be the last I'd see of my love.
  I ran through my house after the doctor, "No!" I yelled.
  She turned just before she got to the door, "Natsu, it is time. Keeping him won't help him or you. I'm sorry. You need to let him go. You can't hold onto him or he'll never pass on from this life. Let him go," her eyes were filled with sadness. She left and closed the door gently behind her.
  I stood in place, staring at the closed door. I felt empty. There was a hole inside me that could never be filled. Then I knew exactly how Gray had been feeling.

A/N-Writing this made me cry so yea...I'll leave it at that.