INTOXICATED: The Crooked Young

01.

The white casket is hanging on just four ropes, which are being held by four strong men in tuxedos. The casket is closed and when the priest is done talking, the four men let the casket go down, fairly slowly. Through the pine twigs, you can still catch a brief glimpse of the white painted, yet closed, casket. My mom is holding my shoulders, while her hands are shaking from sobbing. My uncle on the other hand, is staring blankly at the hole in the ground, showing absolutely no emotion. My niece is standing somewhere in the back and my eyes are starting to water. I haven't shown any signs of grief since my teacher told me. My mom's been an emotional wreck, and I haven't seen my dad in a week.

You can start to see the other gravestones as the people, having tear-streaked cheeks, start to scatter. I remember some of them. Almost everyone gave me a hug and told me everything would be okay eventually. I didn't understand what they meant. I'm only 9 for that matter. They say she was too young to die, and I was too young to loose such an important person in my life. Yet again, I didn't understand what they meant. Maybe there will come a day, when I will finally realize how much she actually meant to me. Now it's just a faint picture. Maybe next week she will call again, asking us if we want to come visit. "Maybe next weekend," we would answer. They lived a one hour drive away after all. My twin brother, Nathan, wanted to play outside. He would throw a football, aiming for my head. And my other brothers and my sister would be doing something for themselves. Mom didn't have much time and neither did my dad. But when we did visit, they would be happy and we would be too.

"Lily, honey?" I look up to see my mom. Her eyes are bloodshot and she has mascara stains on her cheeks. She is still sobbing.

"Mom, will we ever see her again?" She whimper and nods, "One day honey, one day. Now go play with your brothers and sister," she says somewhat cheerfully.

I may be only 9 years old, but I know that the smile on her lips, is a hundred percent fake.

I just nod and walk over to Nathan. He has his football in his hand and looks defeated. "Nate?" I sit down on the graveyard's cobbled pathway.

"Lills," he looks up from his football and sends me a small smile, but his eyes betray him. They're bloodshot and swollen.

"Nate, don't cry." I say casually.

"Lills, how can you deal with this so... so... maturely?" He looks up at me and I can see my own reflection in his eyes, because new tears are filling them up. And I just shrug, because I don't know the answer to that question either.

"You know Lill-"

I grunt as I hit my phone in an attempt to turn my alarm clock off. It woke me up from one the most horrible dreams I've been having lately. This isn't the worst, though. I've had nightmares and flashbacks of the car crash too.

"Lills!" Nathan's voice yells from behind my door as he pounds on it.

"Uh, Nate I'm almost ready," my voice breaks at the end of my sentence as a tear rolls down my cheeks.

No, no, no, no, please no. I beg, but it's too late.

Tears are running down my cheeks and my cries turn into sobs. "Lills! I'm coming in!" Nathan's voice echoes from the hallway.

"Nathan, I'm fine!" I try to yell, but it comes out barely a whisper.

The door opens with a loud bang as it hits the wall, because of the force Nathan opened it with.

"Lills!" his eyes look sad and he rushes over to me, "Did it happen again? Was it the funeral or the crash?"

I swallow, trying to hold back a sob, "Funeral." I say, but it comes out as a whisper.

"It'll be okay, Lills, I'm here." He holds my shoulders as I bury my head in the crook of his neck.

"Nathan?" I slowly look up and see him looking down at me, with sad eyes.

"Yes?"

"Thank you." I hug him once more until I feel the stress bubbling up. I only have less than 30 minutes left to get ready.

Shit!

"Nathan, I need to get ready or else I'll be late, please leave." I usher him out of my room and rush over to my closet, picking out a simple outfit fairly quickly, and then rush over to the bathroom. I apply some mascara, fill in my eyebrows and conceal some of my imperfections. There are a lot more imperfections, but those I can't cover up with concealer.

I rush back into my room after spending at least 20 minutes in the bathroom, and change into my clothes for the day: a black pair of jeans, a dark violet knitted sweater, and of course my infamous orange scarf. Everyone knows me to wear this particular scarf. I've been wearing it since I can remember. It used to be... my aunts' scarf. I take one last look in my full-length mirror, and quickly fix my hair before running downstairs, almost tripping over my own feet.

"Lily, eat your breakfast!" my mom yells as I enter the kitchen.

"Mom, I'll eat a granola bar or something on my way, but I really have to go now!" She sighs and shoves an apple, a granola bar, and some lunch money towards me.

"Mom," my sister Madison whines.

"Yes, Madison?" She looks up from the newspaper she was reading.

"Why does Lily get more lunch money than me?" My mom sighs and goes back to reading the newspaper.

"Because I like her more than you, now finish your breakfast." You can hear a hint of sarcasm in her voice and I chuckle, slightly.

"Lills, you ready?" My twin brother Nathan peeks his head around the corner of the door between the hall and the kitchen. He is twirling his car keys around his index finger.

"Yup, let me put my shoes on!" I put the apple between my teeth, taking half a bite, and grab the 10 dollar note and granola bar.

I rush into the hallway and grab my grey backpack and black Doc Martens. I put them on, tying them on my way outside, while attempting to grab my jacket and swinging my backpack over my shoulder.

Fail!

You can't do anything right, clumsy girl.

I sigh at my own thoughts while scrabbling back up, and jump into Nathan's car.

"Loser," he laughs, and turns on the radio.

"Shut up, will ya?" I sigh, and properly tie my shoes.

"Lills?" The humor in his voice disappears and he looks seriously.

"Please look out for yourself. If something happens, call me, okay? I'll even skip class if I have to. You can call me whenever." He glances over for a brief second, and I nod. "Thank you, Nate."

He smiles and pulls into the school's parking lot. "See ya after school." He waves goodbye and jogs over to his football friends, the school jocks.

Great. I'm alone again.