Spirk - Yours

Chapter 2

Spock hurried back to his own quarters, then laid down on his bed to meditate. He had gone to sickbay for help and reassurance, but had received neither from McCoy. He had pretty much just confirmed Spock's fear: he was developing feelings for the Captain. He had started to like him in a not-so-platonic-way, and he was completely at a loss of what to think. Spock was quite irritated with himself for not being able to control these emotions, and for the disappointment and shame he knew he would receive from his father if he ever found out. Spock was also a little afraid of what his feelings meant and what they might eventually do to him.

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Meanwhile, Kirk was thinking along much the same lines as Spock. Back in his quarters for the night, he now had time to ponder his recent behaviors. He realized that today on the bridge he had been paying extra attention to his first officer. He realized that something was happening to him, and it had to do with Spock. He reflected that he had been feeling differently toward the Vulcan for the past couple of weeks. Then, Kirk suddenly realized: he had feelings for Spock.

Alone in his quarters, Kirk raised his eyebrows at himself in surprise. He had liked women in the past, but it never felt like this. He had never experienced affection this deep before, as if something was putting down roots within him, growing and strengthening with each new day. Then he thought, how would Spock react if he knew??

He'd probably tell me I was being illogical, Kirk thought fondly, smiling to himself. Hours later, he finally managed to fall asleep, a smirk still visible on his face.

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The next day, Kirk and Spock both rose slowly, tired from the lack of sleep. When Spock arrived to the bridge, he was greeted by Kirk smiling pleasantly.

"Morning, Mr. Spock," he said in a formal—but warm—voice.

Spock's insides did a little flip (fascinating, he thought) and Spock found he could not stop his lips from stretching slightly in a grin. He nodded in response to the Captain's words. When he turned to his station, he realized what he was doing and quickly composed his features. He focused on being calm and in control, to hide his emotions at all costs.

Kirk raised an eyebrow (something he'd also learned from Spock). Then, he suddenly felt nervous, like he was being too obvious about his feelings. He cleared his throat and mentally shook himself. Focus, he thought.

"Ahead warp factor 2, Mr. Sulu," he said confidently, trying to drive all thoughts of Spock from his mind.

As the day wore on, both men found it increasingly harder to concentrate. Spock found himself loosing his train of thought every time he even looked at the Captain. Kirk was using all of his willpower to avoid Spock's gaze. He constantly felt like he was being watched by Spock (which he was), and it was making him increasingly uncomfortable. Finally, he could take it no longer.

Kirk quickly stood up and moved toward the turbo lift.

"Spock, you have the bridge."

Since there were no pressing issues for him to attend to right now, he was allowed to leave the bridge if he chose. He hoped that his second in command wouldn't inquire as to the nature of his sudden departure, but unfortunately, today, luck was not on Jim Kirk's side.

"May I ask where you are going, Captain?" he said. Normally, Spock wouldn't have cared if Kirk was leaving the bridge. But today, neither of them were behaving as they normally would.

"There's a... pressing matter I must attend to in sickbay," Kirk answered, making up the excuse on the spot.

Spock raised an eyebrow, but made no further comment.

Quickly, Kirk turned and entered the turbolift.

"Sickbay," he muttered, for at least part of his story was true.

When the turbolift opened, he walked quickly down the hall to the door. He paused outside for a second, then took a deep breath and stepped inside.

McCoy was seated in his chair at one of the desks in sickbay, examining an old medical log. He looked up as he heard the door open.

"Captain, what brings you to sickbay?" McCoy asked, smiling at the arrival of his friend.

"I... have to talk to you about something Bones," Jim explained, wringing his hands nervously. Since sickbay was—at the moment—empty, they did not have to move to a private room to talk.

"Alright, Jim, I'm listening," McCoy answered.

"Bones, I don't know what's been happening to me lately. I've been having these strange... feelings," he began, slightly exasperated.

McCoy raised an eyebrow and gestured for Kirk to continue.

"They happen all the time and I just... I just don't know what to do," he finished, slumping into the chair opposite the Doctor.

McCoy—who knew Jim Kirk well—was not a stranger to this situation. Kirk, after all, was never one to oppose the companionship of an attractive partner.

"Is this about someone on the ship?" McCoy asked knowingly, a sly smirk on his face.

Jim turned and smiled at McCoy, admitting defeat.

"Nothing gets past you, does it, Bones?

"I'm a doctor; it's my job to know about my patients," McCoy agreed. "But in all seriousness, Jim, if you like someone, all you gotta do is talk to 'em. Just tell 'em how you feel."

"I don't think that's going to work, not this time," Kirk said with a sigh. He had no idea how to proceed, seeing as Spock was so different to anyone he'd ever been attracted to. In the past, they had never been anything more than friends, and Kirk couldn't even think of a way to begin. Even if he wanted to, a relationship with his first officer would be highly frowned upon, and he doubted that Spock even felt the same way.

McCoy paused for a moment, waiting for Jim to elaborate, maybe tell him who this mystery person was. But he didn't, and that's when McCoy realized that this time was different. McCoy knew that Kirk never felt shy or nervous about his emotions, and they almost never tortured him like they were now. Then McCoy wondered, who must this person be to make Jim look so.... shaken?

Suddenly, McCoy became very unsure of how to proceed, what to say. He never had been good in these kinds of situations, and had no idea what he should do. This seems to be happening a lot lately, he thought to himself, thinking of his last encounter with Spock. Hey... wait a minute—

"I know that I'm the Captain and I have my duty to the Enterprise, but I just can't help it Bones, I can't help it!" Kirk began, his frustration growing by the minute.

"Just... just tell me what to... I don't know what I should—"

"Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a relationship expert!" McCoy said suddenly, frustrated. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you," he added after a moment, his tone softer than before. "I just don't know what to tell you, Jim. If it's really bothering you, you should just talk to this person. It's usually better than trying to avoid your feelings. That's all the advice I can give you."

"It's alright, Bones, and thank you," Kirk said, a friendly smile appearing on his face.

"Now, you'd better get back to the bridge, we wouldn't want Spock worrying about you," McCoy said casually. The comment was deliberate, and McCoy was not disappointed.

Kirk smiled warmly, then, with a slightly distant look on his face, he nodded and left sickbay.

Now alone, McCoy raised an eyebrow, suspicions confirmed. He only wondered where this was all going to end, and if any good would come out of it.