love or lust | jg & cd

Ch. 19

Sydney POV

"Who said you can't find love in the club? Cause I wanna tell them they're wrong. Come on, just, baby, try a new thing, and let's spark a new flame." Chris Brown is that you?

My eyes open groggily to a blurry view of my dark bedroom. The melody of New Flame blasts downstairs, bumping it's beat through my floorboards. I don't understand the boys's constant need to blare their music throughout the entire house, especially when others are attempting to get some shut eye. I'll have a word with them later.

I sit up from my bed after Chris Brown finally dies down and is replaced by The Weeknd, finally ready to face whatever today is going to throw in my face. Wow I need to pee.

A remove myself from the mound of a duvet that I was previously buried in, and pad silently toward the bathroom. On my way, I pass my dresser, and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror that sits above it. The eyes that stare back into my own aren't puffy or red in the slightest, like they should be due to my nonstop crying. I'm actually wearing makeup that I don't remember applying. I'm clad in my old white and grey baseball tee paired with black leggings. I frown. I don't remember sleeping in this. And I grew out of this shirt a year ago. My reflection shows me, just a version that I haven't seen since I went to that party with Matthew. I shiver as goosebumps prick up on my arms and shake the thought from my head.

As I finally reach the bathroom door, something peculiar is brought to my attention. The door is locked, and loud, throaty moans can be heard from the outside. Who would be in my bathroom? Are the boys throwing a party?

I bang my fist hard on the white stained wood and wait for the shame-filled faces of the culprits. Instead of showing themselves, someone, who I assume is the male, gives an urgent shush to the girl who's with him and they banter back and forth in whispery tones. I groan. What does a girl have to do to go pee around here?

The last thing I want to do is leave my room, but it looks like there's no other option besides peeing on my own bedroom floor. Or maybe I'd have the decency to do it in the closet. Who knows.

As I grasp my door handle I blow air through my parted lips. After my break down I'm not ready to face any of the boys, especially now that Matt tossed my secret out there like meat to stray dogs. They ate it up; it's not something they're going to forget soon.

I'm not the type to favor pity either. It sucks. After the incident first happened of course I wanted my brother to be there for me and everything but I wasn't hoping for him to feel bad for me. I just wanted support from him. There's a big difference.

The door knob suddenly turns in my grasp and my bedroom door is thrusted open, sending my body sprawling backwards. I let out a yelp as my butt hits the floor with a thud. Shortly after, a couple engaged in a heated make out session pushes their way into my bedroom, completely oblivious of my presence. I watch in horror as they migrate towards my bed, and slowly fall back onto my duvet, their mouths never leaving each other's.

"Seriously?" I tell over the music.

They both simply raise their heads and peer at me over the duvet, then go back to passing each others STDs around like a ball on my pingpong table of a bed.

Thoroughly bemused and disgusted, I push myself up off of the floor and exit my room. The throbbing sensation returns to my body reminding me that I have to pee.

My anger returns just as quickly though, as I round the corner out of the dark hallway, and peer down the stairs. Red cups, labeled brown bottles, and cans of all sorts litter the floor, couches, and tables. And so do people. So many people.