Dear Catherine, It's Me • Van McCann (UNDER EDITING)

☁︎ three ☁︎

author's note: I'm so sorry it took me longer than usual to update this!! I got a kitten as a surprise present from my mother and we went shopping for supplies and stuff :-) also, this chapter is sort of long... hope that's alright, and I kinda left this on a tiny cliff-hanger. enjoy!!

:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

it took me the entire morning to muster up any courage at all to dial her number. if it wasn't for my dying need to rekindle this friendship, I probably wouldn't have bothered. but for some odd reason, something told me that I needed to be back into her life. and if it's not obvious, I need her. the reason, even to myself, is unknown, but I need her. I've needed her this entire time, but I need her even more now. I'm hoping she needs me too.

my arms were tingling and my body became cold as the phone rang. it rang a few times, and I assumed she wouldn't pick up, but I was wrong. I wasn't sure how to feel about being wrong; because obviously I was happy - but I was also scared. terrified, actually. and emotional. I haven't felt this way in so damn long.

"hello?" she answered, her voice flowing through my ear.

"um, hey Catherine. it's Van... are you busy?"

I heard her sigh, and then suck in a breath. "no, I'm not. where are you?"

- I gave her the name of my hotel and my room number, but we agreed to meet up at the small diner nearby. I made it there first, it was a nice little place. it went by the name of Gigi's and apparently it made the best sandwiches around. I was seated at a small, circular wooden table by a kind waitress and told her I would be waiting for someone. every time the bell above the door rang my head would shoot up, it felt like another year went by before I saw who I thought was her make her way inside. she peaked around, and I had no problem watching her. at this point I just didn't care. I stood up and she finally spotted me.

I mouthed her name and she gave me a shy smile before bringing herself towards me. I pulled her chair out and pushed it back in when she sat. I sat back down myself and sighed a huge sigh.

"you alright? it's cold out there, and blowing like crazy."

she nodded her head and wiggled out of her thick winter jacket. her black eyes pierced through my blue ones.

"jesus Van, I don't even recognise you. the only thing that's stayed the same is your smile." she said, looking at my mouth. I chuckled a little, unsure of what to say.

"I could say the same to you, but you still look very familiar to me Cath. your freckles are still splattered across your cheeks and your nose. your eyes are as black as ever, you still can't see your pupils, and your hair is as wavy and wild as ever - just like when we were younger."

she just looked at me. I wasn't sure what she could possibly be thinking; though she didn't look mad or upset or even creeped out. she did look emotional, but I couldn't decipher what she might've been feeling.

"Van, this is probably obvious, but I have a question. what ever happened? you just... disappeared. we saw each other that day and then poof, you were gone. you never even warned me."

I sighed for the millionth time before swallowing harshly. "I... I really don't have a solid answer, Cath. I'm sorry. I was simply too afraid to tell you that I was moving to pursue music. when we were twelve, we pinky-promised each other we'd always live close-to or with each other, forever. I felt like I'd broken that promise. you were, and are, important to me and I didn't want you to cry or anything..." I trailed off, every word spoken softly.

her eyes began to look wet and glossy. "if I was so important to you, why did you leave me in the first place?"

I looked down at my folded hands sat atop the table. "because I'm a fuck up, and I desperately want to be your fuck up... one more time. I want to be your fucked up friend again. you always told me that everyone deserved a second change, Cath, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for what I did. I thought I was protecting your feelings."

she ran the tip of her finger beneath her eye to remove her mascara that had smudged. "Van McCann, you're an asshole for what you did, but you're a loving, caring asshole." she said, shaking her head.