After the Beep

August 26th, 2014 20:21

I stop all of my movement when I hear my phone go off. By the ringtone, I could already tell who it was. I only ever bothered to change his, everyone else was the default tone. The same went for him.

I swiped on the screen to answer it, I closed my eyes and breathed in now holding the phone to my ear.

"Hey. Turns out these pills are taking longer than I thought they would." Devon barely whispered into the phone.

"Fuck you. You know that? Oh God I would kill you myself if you were to open this door. "

"Is that you way of tricking me into letting you in?" He did his version of a laugh, it was obviously strained.

Time was slowly running out, and I would just sit here and witness it happen. Worse feeling ever, knowing that there is a problem, but also knowing that there is nothing that you can about it.

Where are the freaking ambulances anyways?

"I feel so freaking helpless right now Dev, do you know that too? I feel useless, and like a waste of fucking space, because the one person I want to help most in this world, is slowly slipping away. All I can do is listen to each of his last words. You are killing me inside, and I know that I sound so selfish right now, but I don't care. Why did you have to resort to this? You could've gotten help, you could've gotten past this."

"Maybe." He simply replied.

I let out a scream and threw my phone across the hallway.

I didn't understand how I still had tears to shed, after all the ones that had gone and left already.

I crawl over to my phone and pick it up again, and hold it to my ear, hands still trembling.

"Don't throw your phone again. We just got that fixed remember." I really want to slap this boy right now.

I scream out with what voice I have left. But I can feel all my energy slowly get drained out.

"Kris. I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you."

I don't say anything.

Like they should have been ages ago, I begin to see EMTs pool around me.

"Ma'am, could you please move out of the way?"

With all the might I had left, I did just that.

"The door's locked." I mumbled,as an attempt to help.

"What is that?"

"The door is locked." I managed to say just a bit louder.

The people then went on to ask me to clear that area. So I left and walked back outside to find his mother standing there sobbing. When she caught sight of me, she ran up to me and began to ask questions. Too many questions, ones that I did not know the answers to.

"I'm so sorry I let you go up there by yourself, and that you have to go through this to. I feel so stupid. How could I have not seen this. Did you know something was going on? What mine of parent am I. I should've known something was wrong." I watched at Devon's mom continued to bawl out her eyes.

I didn't know what to tell her. So I said nothing.

We both turned around to see paramedics rushing out his body on a hospital gurney. Running up to the ambulance, we looked at each other.

"Is he still...you know?" I couldn't say the words. No matter how much reality wanted to come slap me in the face, I couldn't bring myself to saying those words.

"Yes, he is still alive. But he is holding on by a thread." One paramedic told us. "Are either of you going to ride with him?"

"You can go Ms. Andrews. He is your son." She gave a grateful look as she went with them.

The actual reason was, I couldn't stand to see him like this. The tears that finally came to a stop, would never stop falling if I were to be in his presence.

But I do have to get to the hospital.

The ambulance doors closed, and began to speed off. I stood there in the middle of the road, and stared as it made a turn at an intersection, and disappear in the darkness of the night, which was being broken by the multiple lights and sirens.

By the time all of the cop cars and the fire trucks made their departure, I make my way back into their home.

There is such a stillness in the air, each step I take on the stairs creating a creak to break through it. Making it to the top, I see the brightness coming from my still lit phone. I crouch down to pick it up. I look at the screen and see the call is still going on.

17 minutes and 43 seconds.

How long it has been since I received that call from him. I end it, then look at the notification bar.

20:39.

It's only been 40 minutes since my whole world came crashing down. 40 minutes since that first phone call. Only 40 minutes.

I shut the phone off and stick it in my back pocket. I walk in to the room and search for what I came in here for.

I walk over to Devon's jacket and reach in the pockets, finally I hear the clinking of metal and pull out a set of keys.

I need to get out of here quick.

Right as I begin to walk out, a bottle catches my eye. I cautiously walk over to it, pick it up, and read the label.

Amoxapine

He never told me he was back on antidepressants.

I drop the bottle, and pick up his phone which is right next to where the bottle once was. I don't even know why. What will I do with it now? I place it back down and leave the room. As I make my way to the garage, I turn off the lights.

...

Just start the damn car.

But I can't. I sit there, staring at the keys in my hand and the ignition.

The car smells like him.

Lavender with a touch of mint.

I breathe in and finally put the key in, and start the car.

What will I do when I reach the hospital? Who knows? I'll deal with that when the time comes, which is much sooner than I am mentally and physically prepared for.