Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

TEN

3 days.

Josh had spent three whole days without so much as an interaction between him and his mother. And it was hard enough, after having made so much progress with her in the past few weeks. But Josh had also spent three very long and lonely days without speaking to his best friend Tyler. 

The first day went okay. Blinded by his anger towards his mom and Tyler himself, Josh had gone to school and avoided every gaze just like he did before meeting his best friend. Then, as soon as he had reached home, he had gone up into his bedroom and hadn't moved from there, not even to eat something - although he did go on a little "snack adventure" after midnight when he heard his mother go to bed. 

On Saturday, the second day, as his anger clearly had dispersed a little bit and he was able to see things more clearly, a certain weight had made its way to his stomach. This weight probably had a name, but Josh couldn't quite put the finger on it just yet.

Then, by Sunday, it seemed like the whole situation had gone back to normal. Well, at least, the old normal. Josh was alone. Josh was lonely. His darkest thoughts had reappeared, and with them, the weight in his guts grew stronger. Josh knew its name now: guilt.

He felt guilty, and for so many rightful reasons. First of all, he shouldn't have snapped at his mother like that. Josh couldn't quite understand his "power" on his own, it was thus no surprise that his mom couldn't grasp it either. That, plus the fact that this was clearly an unbelievable situation; Josh should have expected this kind of answer. 

And then there was Tyler. Tyler who had flipped his life over ever since the both of them started to hang out. Tyler who had believed the unbelievable without even thinking twice; who had supported him; who had helped him in so many ways. Tyler who had offered him his friendship without expecting anything in return. And Josh just had to ruin everything. 

Sure, he had thought about calling, or even texting him. A simple sorry would have sufficed, Josh was almost sure of that, because Tyler wasn't the kind to be resentful. Tyler was forgiving; so much that Josh once told him his kindness would get the best of him. But Josh had one strong flaw: he was too damn proud. And if it meant ruining the only real and sincere friendship he had had this year, then so be it.

Today was Monday. And today, Tyler wasn't in school. Josh didn't freak out, since the two weren't in good terms, but an anxious feeling had set up in his mind - or at least, more anxious than usual. What if Tyler had done something bad because of their argument - that was more of a tantrum than a real argument, let's be honest. What if he had hurt himself? Josh couldn't bear that thought, and he flew home as soon as the bell rang. Of course he saw Debby trying to catch him to have a word; but even that seemed too unbearable for him. If he couldn't have a conversation with Tyler, then he wouldn't have a conversation about Tyler.

When he entered his room, exhausted from all the loneliness he had forgotten about ever since Tyler came into his life, Josh sighed and automatically let himsef plop down on the bed. He was about to lie down when he felt something hard against his back. Furrowing his eyebrows, he shifted and, taking a crossed-legs position, laid eyes on some things he didn't know he owned.

It took him a few minutes to actually understand that he didn't own these things. There were a few books on his beds, books he had never seen before. Intrigued, Josh took the first one and flicked through the pages, inhaling that strange smell books always seem to have. He spent a few more minutes inspecting the other titles, wondering where these came from and why they had been abandoned on his bed. Josh was about to leave the room and inquire his brother about the books when he stumbled upon a little envelope, hidden on the very first page of one of them.