Graduation

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Kylie

I know its hard for them - to accept that I won't be there for them but it just happens - life hurt and sadly I felt alone...lost. Hopefully they can learn to rely on one another for support, to trust in others and not hide in the shadows. The world won't stop turning just because I'm not there, I knew that when I left them, they'd all be hurting all in different ways. Shane though will be the first to learn that I never left them, I'm still there with them, inside of them all...in their hearts. As for Yas and Tom they'll be able to move on, Tom will realise that his feelings for me were misdirected and were more than likely meant for Hanna and Yas will have Shane. And Hanna...well she'll be the last to accept it. She'll be the one who is consumed by grief and pain as she sees the world for what it really is; it's not a happy place for us. We have to watch our backs and be able to trust someone completely before ever telling them about our sexuality. School is but a playground, where you can get hurt but the teachers can intervene. The world is far scarier and I guess that I wish I'd stuck around...but the old 'me' made the choice of death because she couldn't handle it. And so now I'm a ghost, a ghost who watches over her friends and keeps them safe, tilting my head to the side I smiled when I saw Grace. She was like me, lesbian and she too had killed herself, but we both knew after the fact that we wanted nothing more than to be back there; with our friends.

"Kylie how long, are you going to stay here?" she mumbled, slipping her hand into mine, she added "you need to move on like they are."

I smiled at her as her blonde hair bounced in the ponytail, I shook my head turning back to watch my friends "They're my friends and I will always love them, I'll stay by their side forever, I'll move on eventually, but I love them Grace. Shane is my brother, Tom my ex, Yas my past crush and Hanna my best friend and the girl I loved."

"You're seriously going to stay with them until they grow up?" she asked quietly, when I nodded her shoulders sagged, "then I guess I'll keep you company Kylie."

I smiled as I tightened my hold on her hand "There's still more that they need to know like the letter, and I need to at least make my presence known to them..."

"Kylie that's forbidden, we're banned from doing that." She replied shocked, I shrugged "I'll still be the same age, I won't have changed. But I want to see them when they're grown up and older, when they have kids and when I would be an aunt. Just once for them all, its all I'll ever ask, they'll only see me as a ghost. I won't talk, words won't be needed."

Grace glanced at me sadly "Well then, I'll be here for you, always my love."

"Thank you," I whispered, as tears began to flow down my face as I watched them get ready for graduation. I may not be there in person, but I'll be there in spirit, and that's more than enough for me.

Yas

I frowned as we arrived at school, this is it, we were actually graduating. Just one look at the other three though, was more than enough to see how uneasy they all felt, they didn't have her here by their side anymore. Sighing I felt for the crumpled letter in my pocket that Kylie had sent me, I'd tell them after we graduated but my speech was more important, I wasn't speaking for myself or the year; no my speech was for Kylie the girl who would never grow old or have a family. We walked on into the building, we all took our seats and the process of it began. Shane was sweating and was Tom, whilst Hanna just looked lost. Sighing I took hold of his hand and leaned forwards slightly "Guys just breathe, she never left us, she's still in our hearts where she belongs."

My name was then called up for a speech, shrugging of my gown and placing my hat on my seat, I shrugged on my leather jacket and walked up to the stage. Whispers and confusion swept through the room, the parents undoubtedly knew of what had happened to Kylie. When I saw Hanna's parents there, I felt sadness, and rage bubble up inside of me. Looks like her dad managed to drag her mum here after all. They passed me the mic and there I stood on stage in front of our whole year, and in front of many parents and teachers. Breathing in deeply I said "My speech isn't about me, or our year, or how far we've come to get here; not when there's someone missing who can't make it." I paused as I noticed Shane's parents eyes widen as they realised I was talking about Kylie, they smiled at me. I continued "All of us face problems, day and night, some of us have the courage to face them ourselves whilst others need help. Kylie was someone who I have known for a long time, we may never have been close friends, but there was always something there. And so whilst I was with the girls who consider themselves the Queen Bees - I kept an eye on her and how she was doing. My speech is for the girl who killed herself because she felt lost, like she had no one to turn to, and her friends never thought twice not because they didn't love her. But because she was too good at hiding her emotions..."

My eyes widened as I saw Hanna come onto the stage with me, she held out a hand for another mic and then walked over to me. Her make up was a mess already and she too had thrown her gown onto her chair. She sighed "Graduation isn't the same when you feel an aching in your heart for a person who isn't there, its not the same when they've gone, and you know they can't come back. Kylie taught me many things, how to be myself and she was someone who I looked up to. And in truth I will always look to her, she's my best friend, sister and the girl who I ended up falling in love with. I'm not ashamed to admit I like girls, thing is though unlike Kylie I like boys too, she was gay and I am bi like Yas."

I smiled at her as I added "Kylie wherever you are, you'll never be forgotten, we won't let you be forgotten. They can throw whatever they want at us, we'll join you one day, in death when we're ready."

"When we're old and then we'll find you," Hanna said silently crying, tears forming streams on her face like me, she continued "we'll find you at the same age of 16 and know that we've got our girl back. But until we're to die and see you again, we'll live life. All of us, you made us promise not to die for you, and then after graduation you wouldn't force us to live any longer."

I carried on as she looked about ready to break down, "But we gonna keep living, for you, we know you're watching us. And so we'll enjoy life and do everything that you, can no longer can't."

"And sister," I gasped when Shane took the mic off me, Tom hugged Hanna as she cried, Shane smiled at his parents and then looked at our year "they know they forced you to the edge, they know they caused you to tumble over the edge. And I'm sorry for watching Towie that day instead of staying with you, and asking you why you were recording yourself."

Tom said "We still love you, all of us, and you'll be with us; in death and when we join you it'll be worth the wait of however many years it is."

"Just remember we're here, always." Shane ended the speech, and honestly there wasn't one dry eye in the building, I think they finally realised just what had happened and how much it had affected us. I guess we move on now, with her in our hearts we try and find our life.

A/N 

So its been a while hasn't it? Well I'm just gonna go ahead and finish updating this story so then its completed, but expect it to be revised and changed in the future. It will become better I promise, this is just a draft really, they're drafts until I'm happy with them.

-Hayley

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