Caged | The Hunger Games AU ✓

xxx. remembrance

thirty - remembrance

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i'm locked in my room from the outside, so any chances of me leaving are slim. i feel claustrophobic in the seemingly tiny area now that i've gotten so used to sleeping in trees or on the forest ground. before, those woods were my bedroom. now the area that had seemed so large before has suddenly become minuscule to me.

i place my forehead on the window, yearning for something to slow my racing mind. the glass must be heated, because it's not cool in the slightest. i sigh and stare out into the neon-lit city for a few seconds before heading into the bathroom.

the makeup is the biggest struggle. it takes me nearly half an hour to remove it all, trying not to let the million coats of mascara stick under my eyes. the eyeliner smears all across my temples. as someone who has worn makeup only for ceremonies for the hunger games, i have no experience in removing it.

i'm finally able to succeed and flop into my bed. the grey-blue ceiling above me swirls and i have to close my eyes to make it stop, worried it'll make me dizzy. i discover that i'm unable to open my eyes once they're shut, and lay on top of the covers until i fall into oblivion.

i'm sucked into nightmares almost instantly. images flash behind my closed eyelids- blood bubbling from clone asher's mouth before he coughs it onto my face, the sheer terror of being chased by the careers, visions of my horrible dream of bliss, titus, cael, milo, and asher meeting me in the grassy field. i wake up screaming several times. the others, i'm brought back to reality by matthias' desperate shouts down the hall. multiple times he screams for the fallen. once he screams for me.

it's not a surprise that the next morning is a tough one. effie comes knocking at my door, reminding me about the "big, big, big day" ahead. my eyes snap open. for a second, i'm convinced that the games were only a horrible nightmare, and i'm back on the train to the capitol. over the pounding of my heart and ragged breathing, i'm able to realize that the room i'm in is much too large to be fit into a train. my tense muscles relax and i slip out of bed.

the dining table is deserted when i arrive. it's almost eerie to be alone, like the shadows from the rising sun are going to pounce on me and drag me into their depths. i don't relax the entire time i struggle to swallow the cinnamon oatmeal and glass of milk. despite all of the treatment, my stomach still stings sharply every time something lands in it.

my prep team arrives, but they don't do much because of all the work they did yesterday. i'm still brand-new from the hospital and they don't want to overdo it. then cinna comes and shoos them out, quickly dressing me in a beautiful maroon dress that ends just above my knees. it's shorter than all of the other ones i've ever worn. i can't help but feel insecure until i sneak a glance in the mirror. the dress makes my legs appear longer somehow, and my chest has been pushed up in the slightest bit.

cinna leaves my hair down today, sending it cascading down my back in elegant, raven curls. he has pinned back the front with silver hairpins that sparkle as they catch the light. my lipstick is the same color it was last night– blood red and eye-catching. but my favorite part, as usual, is the dress. once i'm allowed to get a full look at myself, i notice the rhinestones at the bottom that make the fabric appear to shimmer. they're denser on the bottom and gradually lessen as they get to the top. i wonder how cinna manages to outdo himself with every outfit.

the interview takes place right down the hall in the sitting room, where peeta and haymitch tried to teach me how to be charismatic. as i walk, silver heels clicking on the floor, i try to remember what they taught me. be yourself. charm them. after all, you've just won the hunger games.

i take a single step in and observe the room. the giant love seat has been turned around so the scene of the city is behind it, the azure color of the sky now breathtakingly beautiful above the towering skyscrapers. many vases filled with dark red roses surround the seat and omit so much perfume that i begin to feel nauseous.