Without Him

Chapter 4

"Ella. I'm not going to force you to talk to me about it, but I just wanted to say if anything happens and you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. I know Mum can sometimes be not the first person you want to talk to." I was grateful for Bliss's empathy.

"Thank you," I said as I hugged her "by the way congratulations Reeve told me about your engagement." I continued as I wiggled my eyebrows with a grin on my face.

"Thanks. He told me about your weekly proposing idea meetings. I'm glad you helped him out." Bliss laughed

"Oh no, it was all him. He came up with the ideas and other than saying a few things once in a while, I just said yes or no. He deserves all the credit."

***

Mia had arrived home asleep. She was completely drained and exhausted from her playful laughing fits with Reeve, Bliss, Mum and Dad. After putting her into crib, I headed to my room to get comfortable and ready for bed. As I removed my clothes, my phone chirped indicating I had received a new text message.

Hey, it's Max. Can I call you tomorrow morning?

I want to see Mia again soon. Sleep well. x

I was quite surprised he still had my number as I typed him back.

Sure. You too, goodnight.

Ella .x

I didn't blame him for wanting to see Mia again. She was like a little seed, once you met her she planted herself into your heart and started to grow on you. It was hard to keep yourself away from her.

Surprisingly, his text had made me feel happy instead of stressed. He wanted to get to know his daughter and I was happy he wasn't acting like the asshole he had been the night I told him about the pregnancy. Was Mia knocking some sense into him? Or had he had enough time to think about it and let it sink in, like his mother had told me before? But why a year later? Why wasn't a couple of days or even weeks enough?

Everything he was doing brought one question after the other and none of them I had an answer for. I didn't know what he was up to, but I could only hope that everything he was doing was for nothing more but the good. From now, I wasn't going to over think and/or over analyze his actions. I was just going to let things be. If something was meant to happen, it would and if not it wouldn't.

Let it be, Ella. Just let it be.

***

The next morning, Mia had woken me up demanding her early dose of food. As I fed her her last bit, my phone rang with Max's incoming call.

"Good morning," he said as soon as I accepted the call

"Good morning" I was cleaning up Mia, when she tossed her bottle to the floor. "Mia, no" I corrected her as I reached out to get it.

"I'd say Mia is being naughty, right?" He laughed. It had been so long since I'd heard him laugh this way.

"Yeah, you could say so" I replied to him as I tried to hold my own laugh. If Mia saw me laughing she would take this as a joke and then turn it into a habit. "So, you want to see Mia again?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah. Are you busy today? I was wondering if I could spend the afternoon with you girls."

"No, you can come. We were planning on spending the day at home, anyways."

"Great. Can I come..." He paused, as I guessed was to think "at... let's say 3:00pm?"

"Sounds good," I said taking Mia out of her seat to prepare her for her morning bath.

"Okay, I'll see you girls later then."

"Bye," I replied as I hung up

***

Max had arrived at the time we'd planned. He was wearing a black t-shirt, jeans and white converse. At the moment, we were playing with Mia in the living room. As we played with her, I couldn't help but wonder what drove him to act the way he did that night. I know I had promised myself I would let things be, but before I did I wanted at least this question to be answered.

"Why did you act that way the night I told you?" I asked before thinking my actions properly

"What?" He asked back, ashen by my unexpected question.

"Why did you act the way you did the night I told you?" I repeated

"Ella, you don't really want me to answer that, do you?" He paused as I nodded. Max exhaled before continuing, "If I'm honest with you, I... I really don't know" He looked away from me "I was scared. I mean, I wasn't ready to be a father but that's no excuse. I know that I shouldn't have approached the situation the way I did but I really don't know what caused me to be such a jerk that night. I don't know if it was because I felt overwhelmed or surprised. After you left, at night I would replay my reaction over and over again. You don't even know how many sleepless nights I had, wishing I could go back to that very moment you told me you were pregnant and make everything right. Mum had called me a dick for about a million times by then. I was so mad when I found my mother's phone with texts and pictures of Mia but I understood why she and you never told me about her. I knew I didn't deserve a second chance so I didn't make any effort on trying to talk to you again, I had insulted my child and you. Every week I would check my mother's phone hoping you had sent her a new picture of Mia or texted her anything that had to do with any of you two. I tried to keep distance - I really did - but when I saw the last picture you sent Mum of Mia, she looked so innocent and reminded so much of you and me that my resolve crashed and I went to your office as soon as I could. I never apologized for the way I acted but I'm really truly sorry for the things I said, Ella." He started to look at Mia before continuing, "Look at me now, paying for my mistake and stupidity" He laughed, humorlessly.

"Thank you. For answering me." I whispered. It felt sort of good to know he never really stopped caring about us. I wasn't going to tell him this but if he deserved a second chance, it would happen. I said I was going to let it be and I was going to keep it that way from now on.