Then It All Goes To Hell (Larry Stylinson Trilogy)

Chapter 52: Exposed

"But it's not fair."

"You think what's going on with Louis, is fair? For the love of all that is right, allow him to breathe, Styles. The poor boy recently departed from the hospital after hurting himself, trying to escape one of his supposed dead, tormentors. You think that's fair to him? You think Louis wants to live seeing, apparently, ghosts? He thinks they're here to haunt him because it's his fault, they're dead. Take a second to just acknowledge the fact that Louis is blaming himself for what happened. Do you see him pointing out that Zayn and his issues were responsible? No. Do you see him pointing out that you and your ignorance only further encouraged his demise? No. He blames himself Harry, he blames himself and that's the most heart breaking part of this situation because he did absolutely nothing to deserve what he has now."

The man runs his fingers through his hair and screams in frustration, the second time around hearing it, not any easy easier.

"The guilt only furthers with what happened a night ago. Louis says you don't smoke and if you were to consume any type of stress reliever, it would be wine. And what did you in a moment of weakness? You got wasted beyond acceptable, you were smoking in your two year old daughter's presence, and you told him, you no longer cared what happened to them. He did NOT, need to hear that from the only person he thinks justifies his reason to live."

"T-That's not true. He has Amelie."

"Amelie is not Louis', rock. I'm guessing he didn't tell you either his first incident on why he was locked up in a mental institution. Or maybe you were just quick to believe a lie. Eleanor locked him up for supposedly attempting to murderhis daughter in the bathtub but the only person he was planning to drown that day, was himself. If he was holding your daughter at that moment, it was only to say goodbye. Why the hell do you think it was so easy for him to leave her? Despite his strong love for his daughter, he doesn't think he's worthy of her. Thinks she's better off without someone like him ruining her future."

"I understand. I truly understand his pain and why he left me but what the hell am I supposed to do with everything now? I'm just a human too. If you think I haven't had my shares of long nights, you're wrong Namara. I will never be able to live this down and I'm lost. I'm just so lost without him, I don't even see the point in living. If he thinks he's shit, than I don't even compare, I'm a million times more rotten on the inside."

"He wants you to find happiness like he's trying to find it, in himself. Louis loves you, Harry, but he's not ready mentally for you. Its not until he realizes he's not guilty of everything he accuses himself of, that he will be free. And if he wants to figure it out on his own, then you let him. You let him."

"B-But I can't. I-I can't. I'm his anchor, I keep him grounded, while he's my rope, always there to lift me up when everything seems to go to hell. And now he's gone. He's gone and I'm lost because a ship is nothing without his compass. I don't even know what the right direction is anymore, what route I should take, I've simply lost my way."

"Then find it because I'm sure he'll be waiting for you at the end of it. He's trying, Styles. You should try too."

******

"Harry! Stop!"

"Don't do this, son. Stop."

"You're not thinking straight. you're pissed."

"Where is Louis?!"

"Where the hell do you think? He left. He left!"

The man stumbles across the house and blows the smoke in the open air, cigarette lit. He slams a door open with his body and smiles upon seeing the sleeping child, hiccuping, alcohol in his stomach.