My Love In The Wrong Hands

Chapter 23

Julian And Shavon In The M/M
Lyric POV

"Why don't you want me to look at you ? You think i'll look at you differently or something ? "

"Its not how you'll look at me, it's how I look at me."

He took a seat next to me and put my face in his hands to make me look up at him. "What you mean? " he asked searching my eyes.

"Nothing. " I shook my head moving his hands from my face.

He grabbed my face and put his hands right back where they were."You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean anything by it. So again what did you mean by that? "

"I just feel ugly. I can't even look in the mirror. Shit even if I wanted to I can only see out of one eye. " I laughed to keep from crying.

" Bae everything will heal in due time. And guess what, I still think your gorgeous. " He kissed my lips and then my cheek. "Is that the only reason you've been ignoring me?" He raised his eyebrows.

"No."

"What else is it ma?"

"It's a lot Jordan. "

"I got all the time you need. Now talk! I refuse to let you shut me out any more then you already have."

"I'm just going through a world of emotion. I'm hurt, I'm in pain, I'm sad, angry, and depressed all at the same time Jordan. Anything you could think of I'm feeling. " I broke down in his hands.

" I feel like I'm going back to a place where I used to be two years ago. A very dark place. A place when I felt like I had nobody and I felt like I had no purpose in life. And even though I had Lay and Shay to talk to how much can one person take to listen to?

And what I mean by that is I knew I would go back to him and they knew it to. So there was no point for me to keep talking their ears off about basically the same shit. Which is why I kept and keep things to myself."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to keep things from me Lyric. "

"That's all I know Jordan. Keeping my troubles to myself is what I do best. "

"And that's why I'm here, to help you get through everything your struggling with. I'm your man. Don't push me away because I want to heal what is broken within you but you have to let me in ."

"I want to let you in all the way but it's hard especially knowing that everything taking place is all my fault. Honestly I thought that keeping everything I was dealing with to myself was okay.

I've never been the type of person to tell people my business or what I was going through. Even my family and they know that. I've just always been that person to keep everything bottled in. "

"For one this is not your fault. It was never your fault and never will be your fault. You aren't to blame for that nigga cowardly ass ways. Yes maybe you should've opened up to your family sooner about the situation but it's spilled milk now so everyone needs to get past that and work on what's important now. They can't hold that over your head forever and I don't believe they want to.

Two, your not alone any more. If you feel like you have no one just know you have me. Together or not I'll always be there . I was your friend first. "

" You promise ?"

"My word " I smashed my lips into his. I'm falling for this man so hard and its scares me but I can't help it. Lord please guide me in this relationship.

There was a knock at the door that made us break our moment.
"Who is it? " I yelled

"Rylie. Can we talk? "

I looked at Jordan and mouthed "I'm not ready. "

"Just hear him out. "

....

"What's up Ry? " we were now sitting out back on the steps.

" You still moving out? "

" Why Rylie? "

" Just interested to know. "

"I'm not sure yet. Since the fight ma and dad have really been on my back about not moving out. They don't want me to be alone. Plus taking off of work has kind of pushing me back a little as far as saving up. "

"When was you due to move ? "

" In two weeks. "

"Oh okay. "

it was silent for a moment before I spoke. "Look I know you ain't call me out here to ask about me moving soooo ? "

" What happened to us? I use to be your favorite person. "

I smiled a small smile. Growing up that's what I called Ry. "You still are. You just make me so mad sometimes Rylie. You get careless with your mouth and peoples feelings too fast."

" Look I'm sorry about everything. I was very disrespectful to you and I apologize. I didn't know how to deal with the fact that my only sister was hurting and she didn't allow me to be there for her.

Younger or not I could've been your shoulder like you are mines. Period point blank I just want you to understand that next to ma you are my heart and the only female I cherish. Even though we bump head basically everyday I love you to death Lili."

" I accept your apology and I love you more. I also apologize for not only my stubborn and mean ways but for also feeling as though I couldn't come to you all. But could you honestly imagine being a seventeen year old girl experiencing abuse by the hands of her very first boyfriend.

I didn't know what I was doing Ry. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. Do you know how hard it was for me to walk around and act like I was perfectly fine when I wasn't.

Everyday after that relationship I would hold a smile with no meaning because I felt dead inside. And by that time I was alone. I no longer had a boyfriend, Shay and I weren't speaking, Lay and I had just graduated from high school so she focus was focused on getting into college, and everyone else was focused on Jr graduating from college.

Everyday for almost five months I had to ask God to forgive me for my thoughts of not wanting to live. That's how bad it was. "

" Damn sis just hearing that makes me notice that we didn't pay enough attention to you. Like how could we miss all of that. I'm sorry Lyric. "

"It's okay Rylie. It's water under the bridge. You will always be my baby little nigga. Now give me a hug. " he hugged me then kissed my cheek .

"Alright nigga move. You know I hate all that mushy shit. "

I got my brother back ! :)

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