Genre:
Action Fantasy
Short Summary of the Story:
Snake Myleman is a 15 year old average boy in addition to being a seraphim. soon he realizes he is being followed by the fallen angels.
Short Summary of the chapter:
This chapter flits through Snake being in school, thinking about a list of questions and visiting Faith, the fortune teller.
Review:
The chapter moved to fast for me to actually grasp or understand anything. There was no sense of transition and the pacing was haphazard. At one moment, Snake was in school and at the other moment he was sitting at the fortune teller's. Firstly, which teacher would comment on not being paid enough to bear daydreaming? Also in a story one cannot list the questions to be pondered on in one straight line, numbered from (a) to (j). It just doesn't fit into any story. Also too manyparenthesis should be avoided in any story. A writer should not be compelled to explain anything in brackets. There should be enough clarity in the original text itself. In the same way, a writer does not need to change any sentence into ALL CAPS just to portray shouting or shrieking. That can be deduced by the punctuations and situations on their own.
Suggestion to the writer:
The action scene is ordinary and does not really evoke adrenaline pumping emotions. Try to make it less of a drag by avoiding sentences starting with 'I did this....I did that'. Rather describe the reactions of the surrounding elements for the actual feel. Also work on your pacing and transitions.
Final Verdict:
** out of *****
YOU ARE READING
THE CHAPPIE AWARDS - REVIEWS
Non-FictionHonest reviews of the chapters entered into 'The Chappie Awards, July 2011'. To be read with a pinch of salt.
