"I'm closing for the day, I don't think I can run the shop today." This whole event is draining but I have to push through to the end. I flip the sign so it reads 'closed' and place my hand over the lock. It clicks into place after a swift turn to the right.
"Would you like me to leave?" What? Leave? Why? Did I do something to upset him? Does he think I'm going to do something to him? I really want to do something to him.
Unable to say anything, I turn on my heel and walk towards him. Without ever lifting my head, I take the sleeve of his long sleeve shirt and pull him towards the stairs. I continue to pull his upstairs until I reach the second stair case. I briefly release his sleeve and reach towards the locking book and pull.
Click
The book shelf slides away and I can feel Magnus staring.
Yeah, I have a hidden staircase. Don't you?
I take his sleeve again and pull his up the metal stairs that lead up to my apartment. Well not really an apartment but more of a large room with some furniture and a bathroom. The only walls in my living area are the ones surrounding the bathroom so it would be a bit hard to sneak up on me if I were sleeping.
If you are standing on the stairs, which are in the far right corner, the bed is right in front of you, the kitchen is in the far left corner, the bathroom is behind it, and the living room is to your left. In the center of the room is a large open area that I use to practice my dancing. Which I only do when I'm alone.
When we get to the top of the stairs I take off my shoes and place them on the shoe rack. Why would you clean the floor just so drag more dirt in by waking around with dirty shoes.
After completing the task I walk over to one of the many book shelves around my apartment. If I order a book for the store I make sure to add one more for myself and put it up on one of my many shelfs, but one shelf is not filled with books but rather with binders, binders full of picture of my old family.
I take an album and tuck it under my arm, once again taking Magnus by the sleeve to put him on one of the two chairs in the mini kitchen.
I place to album in front of him and he opens it, carefully, like it would bite him.
Magnus looks over the photos with watchful eyes. Skipping over pictures without me and staying a moment longer on the ones with me.
"Alec, who is this?" I couldn't tell what picture he was referring to because I'm to busy studying my hands in my lap. "Robert and Max Lightwood." He reads out loud.
"Max is my brother and Robert," I say, squirming under his intense gaze. "Robert is my father." I say the words with so much poison that I flinch.
"Wait, I don't understand. This guy is your father? But he almost just punched you in the face." He shuts the album and slides it away from him. "Alec," He sounds concerned, but no one has ever been concerned about me. What would anyone care about me? He must pity me. Right? "Please talk to me."
Shit.
His words are breaking down all the wall I've ever built. The ones to keep other out. The ones to keep me in. The ones that separates me from the world. The one that separates the world from me.
"He hates me." I've known this truth all my life, but it still hurts to say it aloud.
"But why?" Tears sting the back of my eyes and I can feel them well up before spilling down my cheek.
"Because I'm me!" I've lost track of how many tears that have hit the backs of my hand. "Because I left! Because I'm..." I can feel myself shaking but I can't stop it. I bite my cheek until I taste blood to try and make it stop, but it only makes it worse.
"Alec, please calm down. You don't have to tell me." I'm still shaking when I turn my chair away from him and grip the table until my fingers turn white.
"NO! I have to tell you." My voice shakes just like my hands. My voice instantly drops from a shout to a whisper. "He hates me because," After a deep breath, I speak again, even softer than before. "Because I'm gay." I worry they maybe he couldn't hear me because he stays silent. "Magnus?" After no answer I know he hates me, at least he hasn't tried to physically hurt me, like so many others.
"I understand if you don't come here anymore. If you leave, I won't blame you." So many others have left, what would one more be? But he's Magnus, this is going to hurt more than anything, but I have to push through it, I have to move on. I may not be the same person but after he leaves I can move to the next town, but I will never find another Magnus.
My thoughts are interrupted by something soft on my lips. Something warm.
Magnus.
I'm kissing Magnus.
Coming to my senses, I slip my hand behind he neck to deepen the kiss. After I feel his tongue go over my lips, I part mine to invite him in. I can't tell how long we stayed like that, kissing in my kitchen, sloppily and with so much longing that is hurt, but it was over all too soon. He pushes me away softly and gets up from his stool.
"Magnus?" I ask, still dazed. He grabs my hand and pulls me from my own stool but my legs are jello so I stumble into him and we go free falling to the hard wood floor.
"Oof." I try to get up, worried that I might be crushing him with all of my weight but he pulls me back down with his strong arms and holds me like that. His arms wrapping in a warmth I never knew excited.
"Alec?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you go out with me?"
"Wait, what!?" Wait, what? Wait, what?! Am I hearing this right? Did he just ask me out? Does that mean I won't lose him?
"Will you be my boyfriend?" He sounds totally calm, like he practiced asking me out a million times.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" I say rapidly while wrapping my arms around his neck and in turn, his tighten around my torso.
In less than a second, he pulls he up along with himself and carries me bridal style over to my bed. He lays me down then climbs on with me and hovers over me with both arms on either side of my head.
We don't go to sleep that night, and I can run the shop the next day thanks to a pain in my lower back.
I wonder how that could have happened?
