A Letter To Your Parent
Dear Ankita (citylightszarry )
You clearly didn't give birth to me. If you'd have then, you'd be looking a zillion times worse than you do. But you still are my mother.
You know that weird connection, you're supposed to have with your parents, this biological connection that holds you to them?
Well I've never had that with my parents. Maybe it's me, maybe it's them, I haven't ever been able to figure that out.
Instead I have that with you.
When you came into my life, I was just a person who never knew what it felt like to have a family. I had a biological one and I had a family that I lost just easily as I had found it but I didn't have a genuine family.
And as we started becoming friends, the worst things in my life started to happen to me. I couldn't breathe, really. I can't breathe even today.
But you were always there. Ready to smack the hell out of me if I was getting too idiotic or there to tell me to take a deep breath.
I have no idea what I'd do without you. I wish you could adopt me, honestly because Ma, I hate living with myself. I hate doing it to myself. This unnecessary pain and suffering. I can't keep doing that.
And the weirdest thing is that you know exactly what to say to calm me down. Like a mother does.
I mean we obviously fight. Every kid fights with their parent but the only difference is that I know whatever you're saying is for my good unlike my parents.
Thank you, you know? Of course you do. You have no qualms about your role in my life as you shouldn't.
I sometimes think of humans as small boxes of chemicals. Chemicals which just hurtle through the world without any purpose until they meet another box of chemicals that just reacts with them to make a compound that makes both of theirs life better.
Pretty stupid analogy but we both know I suck at science.
Ma, I'm a little scared, you know?
I'm scared shitless actually.
You know how in life people have this goal that they work their ass off to achieve?
My goal is pretty shitty, honestly. One that you won't be proud of.
I want to be in love. I know that's not a normal request for a fifteen year old but it's true.
I just want to feel like someone loves me. I know you do to but I want to feel love as in that kind of love.
And I thought I had that. That one time with that one person. Until she broke my heart and you knocked some much needed sense into me.
But that hasn't made me change my dream.
I still want to be in love. Honestly, that's all I want. I want someone to hold my hand, just because they felt like it. And kiss me for no reason at all.
Well I'm sorry for babbling on about something stupid.
What I meant to say is that all I've wanted was to find the perfect box of chemicals to react with me. And whenever I've thought that the less than deserving person is that box of chemicals, you've knocked some sense into me.
Way more then I'd like to admit.
You've held me down, screamed at me, been disappointed in me, just like a mother does.
I'm going to make an incredibly premature comment but I think whenever you bang Zayn Malik or James Bay and have his kid, then you'd be the best mother in the world. It may sound stupid because we're just teenagers but still.
I know I keep whining but I just want to thank you for making me whine a little less.
For giving me a family.
For making me feel like I'm worth something or might be in the near future.
Thanks Ma.
I love you.
Navi
