When She's Not Here. (Sequel to 'Him, Me and Them.)

Chapter 16

<<-- Maddy's POV -->>

I often think about that day. I lie in bed at night and think about my baby. I think about how I watched him die. Worse, I watched the man I loved - love - kill him. Because no matter how much I tell myself I hate him, I can't. I can't hate him.

Marrying Michael was the best decision I have ever made though. I married my bestfriend. When Mark started when I was in secondary school, he was the only one who knew. He understands me more than anyone. When Clare was born he cried with happiness more than I did.

Ella and Clare are both grown up now. Ella is 25 now and Clare is 16. Clare is in her Junior Certificate year, swotting over her exams. Ella, meanwhile, has put all her hardship to good use and is now a social worker, who works with abused children.

Ella knows everything that happened now. I told her the day before she turned 18, so she could leave it in her childhood. She hates herself sometimes, saying she should have saved her older brother. She remembers vague little memories, luckily only the good. She has little recollection of what her real father looks like, only good memories of the good memories of the two playing together.

It's when she is sitting beside me, and out of the blue, she'll just randomly remember something about him. That's when a pang of guilt hits me. I was such a fool in the first place to marry him and to trust him again after everything.

He was sentenced to jail "for life". 20 years on and he's due for release with Mark next week. I'm worried he'll come back and haunt this family one more time.

Michael and I have discussed telling Clare everything but we have both agreed that she is to young and has far too much to worry about already, without us telling her this too. We'll tell her when the time is right.