Just Love

When It Hurts So Bad

I'm a nervious ball of energy as I step off the plane. It's been almost two years since I set foot on American soil. I look over to Ceasar. He smiles and mouthes "Almost done". We line up in formation. We stand there until everyone has unboarded the plane and we are instructed to enter the hangar. As we line up in formation inside the hangar, I see my mother smiling widely and waving. She knows I can't wave back, but my heart is overjoyed to see her. I mouth "I love you", as I continue to line up. Once we are dismissed, I am lifted off of my feet. I immediately know what is happening, and start to laugh. My mother walks up to is thoroughly amused.

"Ceasar if you do not put down my daughter, I'm going to hurt you myself."

I laugh even harder at the thought of my mother hurting my best friend of 20 years. I've known Ceasar forever. And I think he has stayed the same size the whole time. BIG! He was 7' 1" 300 lbs of nothing but muscle. He was a dark skin guy, with a low haircut, and an amazingly white smile. He was what some women may call tall dark and handsome, but I'm gay so my definition of that is different.

Ceasar has stayed next door to me since 1st grade. His mother had died before they moved. His father died 11 years later. Thats what made his decision to enlist with me even easier. Of course, he was my battle buddy. He and I were both lieutenants in the Army.

"I'm sorry Mrs. J. I'm so happy to be home"

Ceasar bum rushes my 5' 2" 120 lbs mother. She just smiles and hugs him back. My mother was a beautiful woman to be 52. She had a smooth peanut butter skin, thick, curvacous frame, long black hair, and dark chocolate brown eyes.

"I missed you too Ceasar. Now let me hug my daughter."

"Hey, Momma."

"Oh sweetie, I missed you."

We embrace tightly as I try to keep the tears from falling. My Mom, who has decided to let hers fall freely, kisses my cheek. She has always been very affectionate. I'm an only child so that was a guarantee. My mother was the most loving person that I've ever known. After my father died, she devoted her life to caring for me. She has worked for 20 years as a RN. I let go of her and take a look at her. I haven't seen her in a year. God how I have missed this annoying woman.

As I release her, she wipes away her tears. "So, did you meet any cute girls worth mentioning."

I smile. "So that's the first thing you ask your daughter who hasn't been home in 2 years?"

My mom chuckles. "Yes! I want my daughter in law and grandkids!"

"With my luck with women Ma that may never happen."

Mom rubs my back and whispers, "Keep your eyes, and heart open. Love is always around the corner." I smile at her comforting words. "Now let's get you guys fed!"

Three days. In my room, alone, crying, hurt, and tired. What happened? A picture. A picture of a smiling happy couple that didn't exist any longer, or was never real to begin with. Two years of bottling up my emotions, and a picture brought it all crashing down. I'm crying over a lying, cheating bitch. God, I must have chump written on my forehead. I always felt as though I was some type of player magnet. My first girlfriend, Rita, was deep in the closet, and dated a guy the entire time we were in a relationship. My second girlfriend, Meka, was the town slut. And Danielle, was the reason I fled the country on the first thing smoking. Also the reason for my current status.

My phone started vibrating. It had been ringing off the hook. I thought about just sending everyone to voicemail, but I had to admit that it felt good to know people cared about me. Plus, I wanted to make sure if I got a call about the officer position I wouldn't miss it.