Chapter 40 - Absolutely And Irrevocably

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Dimitri stood there quietly for a few minutes continuously staring at the card in my hand, before a look of anger came across his face. "Why the hell did you go through my stuff? I fucking told you so many times before, not to touch anything! But do you ever listen? No because you're a nosy bitch!" He said, as he came up to me, snatched the card from my hand and threw it in the trash can.

It hurt when he called me that but we both knew it was true. I was being really nosy. "Why did you lie?" I asked quietly, referring to why he lied about liking me back. 

"Because I'm not selfish, unlike you." He stated causing me to feel really confused suddenly.

"How am I selfish? And what does that have to do with you lying to me?" I asked causing him to sigh in frustration.

"Do you not ever think Isabella?" He demanded in anger.

"I don't know what you want me to do Dimitri. What do you want me to say?" I asked in frustration. "I'm so confused. And you won't answer my questions either!"

"You want me to answer your question, then fine I will!" He exclaimed as he grabbed me by my arm and pressed me hard against the wall. He suddenly wrapped his right hand around my neck, applying very light pressure there. He then brought his mouth up really close to my ear, causing me to shiver. I had no idea what he was doing but I didn't question it because he did say he was answering my questions. "You do realize how easily I can snap your pretty little neck. The Shadow inside me, wants me to rip you apart piece by piece. It wants me to hurt you, to torture you, to do every possible horrible thing to you. My self-control is weakening day by day, and there will come a day where I'll completely snap and it'll be the end of you. Do you fucking understand Isabella? I'll fucking hurt you! But I don't fucking want to! Because I fucking love you and I won't ever be able to forgive myself for hurting you! I'll never be able to live with myself knowing I did that to you." He explained as he unconsciously stroked my neck with his thumb as he explained. Tears kept pouring out of my eyes like they were never-ending. I just felt so emotional. "And suppose I never hurt you. Suppose I was able to control myself. Then I'm going to die, right? And if I die, you'll be the one left heartbroken. I'll be dead so I won't feel anything anymore. But you will. You'll feel devastated. It would hurt you a lot, wouldn't it? So that's why I lied to you. Because it was better you felt heartbroken now, than later on when you knew how it felt to be with me because it would be so much worse than it is now. And that is why I'm not selfish, because I thought about the both of us when you didn't. You didn't think about any of this, did you?" He demanded, anger clearly showing in his eyes.

I kept crying. I didn't know what to say to do that. He was right. I was selfish. I didn't think about any of this.

"Stop crying Isabella! This is hurting me just as much as it's hurting you. But you don't see me crying about it!" He exclaimed in annoyance, causing me to push him away.

"Clearly it's not hurting you at all! You're just making fun of me now!" I sobbed as I pushed past him. He suddenly grabbed my arm, pulling me back into his chest, turning me around so I was facing him.

He then wrapped his arms around, making me rest my head against his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm being a douche now. I just don't like seeing you cry. It hurts me knowing I'm the reason. It hurts knowing I can't do anything to make this better. I'm a failure, I know." He said putting himself down.

I immediately pulled back and looked up at him when he said that. "Don't say that Dimitri." I said, placing my hand on his left cheek. "This isn't your fault. It's not up to you to make this better."

"But it's my fault you fell for me." He said as he leaned down a little. "I should have been more of an asshole towards you."

"Even if you were more of an asshole, I'd still end up falling for you because let's be real, I'd out-bitch you any day." I said, causing Dimitri to chuckle a little. He placed two fingers underneath my chin, pulling my face up so I was looking right up at him.

"That's true, I mean you are the world's greatest Bitch." He said chuckling and before I could say anything in response, he leaned down and pressed his lips down on mine.

I was a little surprised but I immediately melted into his arms and started kissing him back. I had kissed him so many times in my dreams so I was expecting his lips to be perfect as they always were in my dreams, but in real life, oh goodness, they were more than perfect. They were extraordinaire. I couldn't even begin to explain how amazing they were. Soft with a hint of roughness. They moulded so perfectly around mine, like they were meant for me to kiss. Like they were made just for me. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. Who knows?

Dimitri's left hand was clutching tightly onto my hair on the back of my head, while his right hand rested against my lower back. His fingers gently caressed the small strip of exposed skin from where my shirt rode up, sending shivers through me.

He suddenly tugged at my hair, pulling my head back a little to reveal my neck. He then attached his wonderful mouth to the skin on my neck, sucking every visible inch. I moaned, relishing every bit of this amazing moment. He nipped at the base of my neck causing me to gasp and sigh in pleasure. "You know, you're the world's hottest Bitch." He whispered against my skin, causing more shivers to run through me. He chuckled when I tried to smack him.

He just took my arms and held them behind my back, turning me around so I was facing the wall. "You're not going to try to hit me again, are you?" He whispered in my ear from behind.

"Definitely not." I lied causing him to actually let go. Just as he let go, I tried to turn around and smack him again but it was like he was expecting that, so he just pinned my hands up flat against the wall, my back still facing him.

"Dimitri!" I exclaimed as I tried to struggle away from him. He chuckled again before planting a couple kisses on the back of my neck, shutting me up as I became too busy enjoying how his lips were making me feel.

He then let go of one of my hands and pushed the collar of my shirt off my left shoulder, causing the first three buttons of my shirt to pop open. He then started kissing down towards my bare shoulder, sending wonderful sensations through me. He proceeded kissing down my back, pulling my shirt down inch by inch, causing the rest of the buttons to pop open.

"Dimitri." I moaned softly as he kissed all the way down my back. Once he reached the bottom, he got up and flipped me around so I was facing him now. My shirt was dangling off my right arm, so I quickly put it on properly, covering my front even though I was still wearing my bra. Even though he's seen me like that many times before.

I looked up into his eyes and they were glowing really bright, brighter than they were at the party. "Why do your eyes glow?" I asked, breathless causing him to smile.

"They glow when my strongest emotions are released. Such as when I'm very angry, or overflowed with happiness, or really upset. But they glow the brightest when I feel really passionate about something, when I feel love, or in other words, they glow because of you." He whispered, as he pressed his forehead against mine.

I felt so overwhelmed with emotion at this moment. I love him. I absolutely and irrevocably love him.

I knew we could never be a thing, there were so many complications between us. But for now I didn't care. This moment was too beautiful for me to ruin by thinking about all those faults.

"I love you Isabella." He whispered, causing me to smile with so much happiness.

"I love you too Dimitri." I whispered back, before he leaned down and kissed me again.

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