Misbegotten

Fifteen

For days I had been dreading leaving and going home, but now I couldn't get out of the resort fast enough.

"Are you sure you have everything?" Chelsea asked. She eyed me carefully as I continued to stand impatiently by the door waiting for her. I already had my suitcase packed, backup slung over my shoulder and the hotel room key in my hand ready to be handed into reception. Chelsea, however, didn't have the same sense of urgency I was expressing. She slowly walked back and forth from the bathroom placing things in her overly stuffed suitcase. Her blonde hair was swept out of her face in a high ponytail and her maxi-dress and metallic sandals made her look like she was going to a beach party rather than getting on a plane. I found myself, not for the first time, comparing myself to her. She was beautiful obviously, and always looked nice and made-up. While I now knew her perfect persona was a façade most of the time it didn't stop me realising my ripped denim shorts and oversized t-shirts and salt-sprayed mossy brown hair was nothing in comparison. I failed to see why Declan didn't go for her in the first place. Thinking of him brought a sour taste into my mouth and made me wanted to leave Chelsea and her slow packing and just meet everyone at the airport. I couldn't tell if part of me wanted him to barge in and tell me he changed his mind. I don't know if it would have made a difference. But no attempt had been made.

"Yes," I said when I realised I hadn't answered her question. "Are you almost done?"

"Yeah, I think so," she said placing her hand on her hips and scanning the room. Her eyes finally met mine.

"You look sad."

"I am sad," I replied simply.

"Maybe he'll come round," she suggested not for this first time.

"Maybe I don't want him too," I shrugged as I looked away, no longer able to function under her gaze. "I just want to get out of here."

"Okay, okay, I get it," she said raising her hands in surrender. She finally closed her suitcase and after one last once over to make sure we had everything we were on our way to the lobby. To say I was on edge the whole way there was an understatement. I felt the tension make my body rigid and it only worsened when we walked past his room. The Jacobsen's weren't leaving until tomorrow, so they were probably out enjoying their last day in the sunshine. He wouldn't be here I tried to remind myself. But to be perfectly honest the idea that he was out enjoying himself when I was feeling this crappy didn't sit so well with me either. We were entering the lobby when I heard Chelsea swear under her breath. It was quiet and I would have thought I imagined it if I didn't meet Declan's eyes when I looked up. He was standing next to his parents saying their farewells to our family. I kicked myself for not thinking of this scenario sooner. I was totally at a loss of what to do when I realised that I had stopped walking. Chelsea had to grab my arm and pull me forward. "Breathe," she said calmly. But breathing didn't seem like an option when Declan was staring at me with his sad blue eyes. Despite myself I forced air into my lungs and then back out again. We joined the others and I felt Amanda's eyes pass over me before she smiled her sickly sweet smile.

"It's been such a pleasure," she said to us all. I looked down not even pretending to buy her performance. Florence and her continued to gush about how it had been such a good and wonderful trip, while my father and Cameron shook hands and exchanged farewells with Daniel Jacobsen and Declan. I tried not to look at him but found my eyes travelling back to him every now and then. I remained staring at the floor next to Chelsea refusing to participate in this charade. I seemed so ridiculous to me that on top of everything that had happened, here they all were still pretending that everything was fine and that we were all great friends who didn't try and destroy other people's lives based on where they've been instead of where they may be going. I felt my arm get knocked and I glared at Chelsea who had elbowed me, she tilted her head to the left and my eyes followed. Declan was heading over to us, while Amanda and Daniel helped my dad and Florence load the suitcases into the car.