The Awakening [Book 1] (Draft)

Awaken

Up at the top is an adaption of what Jesse Smith would look like. 

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Chapter 1

November 1st, 2018

Journal entry 1:

Death. Is something that a lot of people try not to think about. It's full of mystery and fear. It means the end of something, the opposite of life. The mystery of it truly being the end is unknown. Is there a life or place after death? Is there a Heaven and Hell? The fear of not being able to wake up again.

Almost everyone is afraid of Death, even if we live a long and happy life. We all know that eventually it will come to an end. So, what's the point of closing or ending the story early. We will all die eventually that is what our paths will lead to. And what if you feel there is no point in continuing your life. Does your life, your very existence mean anything? Does anyone really care about you?  You may tell yourself yes, they do but then a nagging little voice at the back of your mind makes you doubt what is true and what is not. And you begin to listen to this voice, as the people that you thought cared, either show their true colors or worry about how this will affect them rather than you.  It's those thoughts that start to go through your mind, and eventually progress further. 

Sometimes people seem to be there but in reality, they are not. And slowly you feel as though you are drowning and unable to come up for air as each wave beats against you from every insult, every painful memory, every person dragging your name through dirt and saying the most hurtful things that feel as though your very soul is being torn apart.  All the while as you continue drowning in the remains of your life and broken soul. And you think to yourself, they all probably wish you were dead. That you would be doing them all a favor even to yourself by ending your very existence like fate should have done two months ago. 

These thoughts had continued plaguing my mind for so long. I had fought them, trying to not give in. To believe them, but after everything that happened tonight. I lost the fight. I broke. And I believed them. It's these thoughts that brought me to the Hawthorne Cove Dock, in Salem, Massachusetts. I stood on the edge of one of the docks, for moment gazing around over the water. The full moon hung high up in the sky, the only source of light. 

I turned to my side, where an anchor lay attached to a chain. I slowly with very shaken hands, began to attach the chains around my ankles successfully binding myself to the metal tool that was used to connect the vessel to the bottom of the water in order to keep it from drifting due to the wind or the current. Once I was bound to the chain, I stood and stared down at the dark water below me as it swayed back and forth against the dock. I could hear that voice in the back of my head, telling me to 'JUMP!'  Promising that it would all be over, that the pain would end...the guilt...the hurtful words-memories it would all end. 

Without dwelling on the conflicting thoughts in my mind, I did just as it asked believing what it promised that the pain and suffering would end. With that I pushed the anchor off the dock into the water in which I followed behind it. Plunging into the dark, freezing cold water while taking in one last breath of air, and goodbye to life. The weight of the anchor, drew me down instantly to the bottom. Even if it wasn't that deep, it still wasn't that shallow either. The light of the moon reflecting on water, slowly began to dim until I was submerged completely in darkness. It wasn't long until I felt the jolt of the anchor hitting the ocean floor, vibrating through the chains that were around my limbs. 

It wasn't long when my lungs started to burn with the lack of oxygen. Some part of me, the last bit instinct for survival struggled against the chains that bound my legs not allowing me to kick so that I could attempt to swim up. Instead it kept me rooted in that spot on the floor of the ocean water. The anchor attached to my legs, kept me grounded no matter how much I struggled. And for a split second, a thought broke through all the horrible ones. I didn't want to die...I struggled to no affect as the anchor didn't move under my movement.