Caged | The Hunger Games AU ✓

xxix. flashbacks

and then he lets go, only to pull me back in with a kiss. my eyes widen a fraction of a bit because i'm still not used to this, and i don't think i ever will be. i relax soon enough and return the gesture, the cheers fading to background noise as i do so. there is a red smudge of lipstick on his lips when i pull back. i laugh and wipe it off with my wrist.

"get over there, you two," peeta orders with a good-natured chuckle as he spins me around and pushes me slightly toward the plush couch we are supposed to sit on, apparently. but there's something behind the chuckle. his crystal blue eyes hold a certain urgency in them like the dialogue wasn't just for the sake of a joke. even i can sense a hidden message behind katniss' large smile.

and then i realize. they're afraid for us. it was a riot enough with having two victors last year, but the same thing happening twice in a row? i don't think i've realized how much trouble and danger matthias and i are in. what extent will the capitol go to destroy us?

i sit on the couch with as much grace as i can – they've put me in heels, and i'm just now realizing this – while matthias takes his rightful place beside me. caesar barely needs to do any warming up before he sits across from us and turns his attention to a large screen above the audience.

that's when i remember the video. they're going to replay the games, every significant thing that happened to us during our time in the arena. we have to watch our most horrific nightmares replay for three hours on the dot. i'm not sure if i'll be able to handle it. i don't like getting flashbacks of things i don't want to remember.

the first half-hour isn't so bad. we see the chariot ride, training scores, and our interviews. i notice they include matthias' joke about being a hothead for a good laugh. i just barely manage a smile. how different the boy on the screen seems from the one sitting beside me now, his eyes full of life and posture not as rigid. it's like i'm looking at a completely different person.

then it all goes downhill from there, and i find myself reaching for his hand. i see asher save me during the bloodbath and how matthias was almost killed by emrys. they show glimpses of asher and i stealing from the careers, of matthias running endlessly for what seems like forever until he finally crashes into me. they spend more time on this segment, before skipping right over to us finding carly with our backpack.

all the little things that annoyed me so much are the things i miss the most now that asher and carly are gone.

the most difficult parts start arriving like knives being stabbed into my heart. we see grover from district six cutting down the tracker-jacker nest that begins asher's imminent downfall. i jump as his agonizing, fearful screams repeat in my ears and wonder how i could possibly have been oblivious to them in the arena. now i know that i will never forget them.

the part with asher's goofiness is skipped right over– i guess the mood would be ruined enough because everyone already knows what's going to happen. we are shown some highlights between asher and carly that i hadn't noticed before. asher's story of the halloway family fire brings almost the whole crowd to tears, and i feel the knives being twisted further into my abdomen.

they don't rush at all during asher's death scene. the angle at which we see titus fling the knife at him is even more gruesome than what i saw, and the sickening thunk can even be heard. sobs close my throat up and tears threaten to spill. it takes every bit of my will not to break and storm off the stage.

i close my eyes as carly's defeated scream of "no!" echoes for dramatic effect. it cuts to little chunks of matthias and i that night, how he made a crown of flowers and put it on my head. in that viewpoint, i look immensely pure and almost content. that all comes to a halt when emrys strangles me and it comes to the part where they're burying me alive.