Pulled apart at the seams

Chapter 4

"You were mine for a night, I was out of my mind. You were mine for a night, I don't know how to say goodbye"

Your funeral was today and when it was my turn to speak my eulogy, I couldn't do it without breaking down in tears and releasing all the bottle up feelings I've been repressing for a few months now.

Everything came rushing back once I saw the casket with you in it. The only thing running through my mind was the fact that I did this to you. I was the one who drove you away. It was me who pushed you away and didn't let you in completely. It's all my fault that you're dead and not me.

Why did you have to chase after me? It could've been me who's dead and no one would care. My parents had neglected me throughout my life, and I barely had any friends. You had a whole life planned ahead of you. So why did you throw it all away for me?

I'm nothing special and we know it. If we had switched places, you'd be the only one here. The only one who cared enough to give me a funeral. You're the reason my heart hurt and I want to let go of you but I can't. And I want to, so very badly. But my heart just won't let you go as my mind screams at me to forget.

I just wish I can turn back time and stop this all from happening to you and to me...