This Is Who I Am

Cross Roads

I had to get away.

I could bear no more.

I climbed outside my window in the dark of the moon,

And I began my journey to nowhere.

Typically, the darkness was not something I embraced.

As the monster came in the dark and I feared him most.

But tonight was different.

I stumbled upon a path, that seemed untouched by any living soul.

I took my chance.

How bad could it really be?

I had endured so much pain that surely this path had nothing to gain from my presence.

I had never been this brave.

Yet, I had never felt this strong.

There was no fear left inside of me.

If death was to take me, it would have been better than living at that point.

That's the funny thing about death.

When you're already in hell, you welcome it with open arms.

You want it to take you, so that the things you have endured can all be erased.

I held my head high, meeting his devilish eyes.

He was waiting for me to approach.

The path I was on intercepted another, creating a crossroads, which he stood upon.

He flashed me a devious smile.

That is when I knew he was there for my soul.

He wanted the single most important thing I had.

The words that had served as my voice for so many years.

He wanted to take them and free me from all the shame I had ever felt.

Could I contend with his deal?

Could I so willingly give him what helped me to survive?

Yet, his offer was appealing.

I had dreams about escaping the truth.

I had to make my decision quickly.

I sensed his unwillingness to wait for long.

"My dear, what is there to consider?

Have you not begged for a way to escape the truth?

Have you not asked for the shame to disappear, so many times?

I am giving you this chance....all you have to do.... is give me your words..."

I couldn't do it.

The other path appealed to me and I was desperate, in my agony.

I could not give up that part of my soul...my friend...the light in my darkest hours.

I told him no.

His smile faded.

"Do not ever beg... live with the shame and regret...and remember... you were given the gift of choice...forever, you will live with this decision."

Before I had the chance to say another word, he was gone.

I made my way back home, reluctant to entertain the thoughts of that other path.

Deep in my souls heart, the decision had already been made.

The crossroads have served as a reminder to me.

That some things in life cannot be sold.

There is no price tag that can be put upon that which is a necessity of our being....

Nor is there enough force in existence, strong enough to take it away.

While we wonder sometimes about how life would have been.

Is it not simpler to accept the good with the bad?

Because the crossroads do not hold the answer to escaping the pain.

I kept my words.

I have found my voice.

The crossroads did not take away the person I have always been.

The death I had so willingly wanted at one point in my life,

Held no power to the words that live within my soul.