What the frik are all the Naruto Characters doing here?

What the frik are all the Naruto Characters doing here? Chapter 32

The butlers, who only come when the Lore parents are at home, came in with silver platters laden with enough food to feed an army…or at least Matsuri and Naruto.

In a tense silence we picked up our silverware and attempt to eat as elegantly as we could. I think I’m using the wrong spoon, but who gives a crap? Except the parents…they do. But I could always lie and say the other spoon is offensive. Like Kakashi did about the mupcake. That was well played. Not that I would ever tell him that.

“Er, Takeshi? You’re supposed to use a spoon when you’re eating soup…not your tongue,” Mrs. Lore says timidly. So I’m not even using a spoon…weird. Alyson smirks at me as I clear my throat and reply,

“I have a severe condition,”

“Really, what is it?” She inquires.

“Um…” I start and Alyson finishes for me,

“Dog Habit Syndrome, he can’t help but behave like a dog sometimes. Look! If you pat his head he looks all happy!”

Ahh, I like this Alyson, she’s well behaved...DID SHE JUST FLICK MY HEAD! OH NO GIRL YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT! OH NO YOU DIDN’T!

Everyone stares at me and I look questionably at them.

“ Alyson! Don’t you dare flick our guest’s head!”  Mr. Lore snaps.

“I’m sorry! Sometimes I just blurt out my thoughts! She didn’t actually flick me! I have a large imagination!” I defend.

“Fail…” Naruto whispers quietly enough the Lore parents didn’t seem to notice.

“I see…” Mrs. Lore  mumbles. (Mrs. Lore thought: And this is a prominent family? More like a dysfunctional family…)

Naruto World:

Temari pov:

“So what is the Suohs family talent?” the one called Mrs. Lore asks Kakashi.

“Um, family talent?” he repeats, confused.

“Yes, every prominent family has at least one very talented member. Art…music mostly,” Mrs. Lore explains.

Naruto straightens up, an idea in his head, but then he slumps down again, obviously knowing his idea wouldn’t work. Weirdo. Naruto yells, “Gaara can sing!”

“Gaara? Who’s Gaara?” Mr. Lore, I think, questions.

“I mean Ichigo!  Gaara is his nickname, you see,” Naruto corrects.

Mrs. Lore raises an eyebrow. “Gaara is a nickname for Ichigo? How…um…nice.”

“Oh Naruto…” Shikamaru, Neji, TenTen, Lady Tsunade, Kankuro, and I mutter.

“Ichigo can sing then?” Mr. Lore changes the subject. Lies….It’s impossible!

Gaara glares at Naruto. “No. He’s lying. That’s our skill. We can lie.”

Mrs. Lore laughs heartily, “Oh…dears…all prominent families own that skill! But come on Ichigo, sing! Alyson, Matsuri, give him something to sing.”

Alyson and Matsuri nod then go to a piano and violin. Meanwhile, Gaara shakes his head. “No, really. I can’t sing.”

“But that means you can,” Mr. Lore mutters amusingly.

Gaara mutters more quietly, “That means I’m going to kill you…”

Mrs. Lore guides Gaara between Alyson, who is on the piano, and Matsuri, who stands with her violin. Matsuri smirks. “Let’s play Hannah Montana!”

“Hell no!” Gaara snaps, and Alyson giggles. “Ok then…Phantom of the Opera! Matsuri, Music of the Night! Ready?”

“No, I, wait,” Gaara attempts to stop, but everyone glares him down, so he shuts up as Alyson and Matsuri start for Gaara.

Kankuro shouts, “The horror! He has to sing now!”

Oh Kami…

Gaara glowers at Naruto, sighs, and then begins the song… And he’s good! Fantastic even! How?!  Kankuro refrains from dying and leans in closer to listen to our little brother’s horrifyingly surprisingly beautiful voice. How the hell did he do that?! There has to be some kind of trickery in this! It’s a jutsu! I mean…Gaara can sing! It’s impossible!

He finishes with a glare at Matsuri, whose face is covered with shock. “You didn’t sound like sand paper on wood!”

“DON’T INSULT OUR GUEST, MATSURI!”” Mrs. Lore shouts, before complimenting Gaara on his, and I quote, “superior voice and stunning performance with an interesting facial expression quite contrary to the song at the end”.

“But he has no feelings!” ‘Matsuri’ shouts backs, before covering her mouth and looking away from her mother.

“Thanks…I hurt deeply now Matsuri…” Gaara acts out, placing a hand over where his heart would belong if he had one.

“Don’t put a hand over your non-existent heart!” Matsuri snaps, forgetting her place in front of her mother. I like this girl. She knows what’s true. But I seriously hope she’s joking. Deep ,deep down anyway.

“Go to your room Matsuri Kyo Lore! And watch your mouth in front of guests in the future!” Mr. Lore bursts out, pointing to the stairs. Okay... This is getting boring, maybe we should stop listening…      

“No! You can’t do that!” Gaara snaps, and everyone stares at him. “Because… I….have something to say to her!”

Or maybe we should keep listening.

“Go on…” Kakashi smirks.

Gaara glances around, obviously trying to think of something, and then goes up to Matsuri and takes her hands. “You mean the world to me. Nothing will ever come between us. No matter what anybody says or does, you will always be in my heart. Forever and ever… Your spot will never be replaced. You hold the key to my heart and you have since we met. I will love you forever. And no matter how much we fight, things will be ok. Like I said, I will love you forever. No matter what.”

Wtf…  O.o

Blank silence ensues until Naruto chokes on his ramen and Tsukii and Alyson burst out into uncontrollable laughter. 

Mr. and Mrs. Lore are in shock, and I mean in pure shock. As is Kankuro. I mean, he’s lying on the ground dying with foam trickling out of his mouth. Lady Tsunade’s had hit the floor in shock and Shikamaru either fainted or fell asleep. Baki just committed suicide I believe… Nah, he’s still twitching, he’s good.   

Back to Earth, Matsuri finally recovers and stutters, “I…uh…do not know how to respond to that… My instinct is to hit you, but I won’t… Uh, ditto?”

“Really? I just put my heart and soul into those words, and all you can say is ‘ditto’?” Gaara questions, but Matsuri just shrugs.

“Ok, um, I think it’s time we all retired for the night,” Kakashi chuckles, and they all nod in agreement.

Back in the Naruto World:

Okay, everyone has temporarily recovered from the shock. Now we just need to keep the recording of it and show it to the village!

Kankuro pipes up from the doorway, heading back home, “Hey…weren’t those lines in Icha Icha Paradise?”