Brotherly Bonding-1

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"AARON!!!" I had heard my brother scream. "Where are you!?"

"Ash!" I yelled back, my twelve year old body straining to see over the shorter trees and my legs aching from the hike; I couldn't see anything in the forest. I couldn't see anything. My heart was pumping loudly, I felt it in my temples. It felt like any animal in the woods could hear it, for hundreds of miles. That thought only made it worse. "I'm over here!"

"Where are you?" he called again. He didn't sound exactly angry, but it definitely wasn't pleasant. I tried to hold onto the hint of worry in his voice. Or find it was more like it. But I knew it was there. If only he would say something again...

I scrambled up a small hill, tripping over a tree root. I used my hands to push myself forward and into a standing position. I straightened my hat in time to see Ash stomping up the sloping land.

"There you are, midget," he said. He turned back to where I guessed the campsite was. "Let's go... come on."

"Ash," I said. He turned back to me.

"What?" he asked, almost impatiently. "Come on, Mom and Dad'll want us back soon."

"I'm sorry for getting lost..." I started, already feeling lame.

"Oh shut it, short stuff," he said curtly. "It's not your fault. Now let's haul some ass."

I sighed quietly and pushed my hat a bit farther back on my head, then tromped off after him. We were ducking around the trees and trying to find the right footings when I realized something.

"Ash." I said again. It was quiet, but he picked up on my sqeak. I think he must have noticed something different in my voice because he didn't snap, or even call me midget.

"Yeah Aaron?"

"... I don't want to go back."

"What?" he asked me, walking closer. "What do you mean?"

"I... just don't want to go back. I don't like what's happening."

"Look bud," he said, coming forward and putting his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry, but we have to go back. I know that mom is changing, and it's scary, and that dad doesn't know what to do, but we have to go back."

I nodded dully. "I know. I-"

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'll figure something out; I'll make sure you don't have to feel like this. Trust me."

I nodded again and blinked hard. I believed him. I really did. Because Ash was the only thing, short jokes and teasing aside, that supported me the way I needed. Mom was changing, and dad was just so scared. He didn't know what to do about her, and he definitely didn't know what to do with his kids. Me and Ash were left basically alone, to fend for ourselves and to find our own way. Luckily I had my older brother or I would have been completely lost; he leads my way everyday. Still does. You may call it pathetic, I can call it sheltering. You may call it immature, I can call it preservation. You may call it ridiculous, I can say fuck you; I still control my own life. He feels like he needs to guide me, and I let him.

Okay, now fast-forward from my dream land, and wake up from my memories. That's what I tell myself. It seems like I tell myself that every June and August. The realization of what was happening hit almost exactly four years ago, and the big, slamming punch of it all being done came two months later. But what we didn't know was what would happen to dad. We could never have guessed.

"Lucas is coming home soon," I slam my text book closed, looking in the direction of our kitchen, where I had heard my brother call out from.

"And why do I care?" I call sarcastically back at Ash.

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