My dearest,
This is a letter I will never send you. I'm writing this because I need to get it out of my head - or else I feel like I'll explode. Maybe I shall start avoiding you in the future because it physically hurts me to be around you; you're now probably wondering why that is, because it's definitely not because I hate you. Not at all, actually.
I love you. And not any platonic, friendship-based love, or just friendly affection. I'm in love with you. I want to kiss you, I want to be with you, I want to take you out on coffee and buy you cute little things and hug you and hold you and tell you all the things I find beautiful about you. I want to read you poetry and write you sweet little letters I'll slip into your pockets. I want to dance with you and listen to your sweet voice when you sing and what movies while cuddling on the couch and gaze at the stars together. I want to stare into your eyes and see into your beautifully complex mind, to get lost into it like a maze, and love doing just that.
I love you. I love the way you distant-mindedly rub your nose; the way your eyes light up like small pieces of starlight when you think something is funny; the way you curl up in your sleep; the way you play with young children; the way your mind wanders when you draw or paint and put your thoughts on paper. I love how you can be selfless and self-centered at the same time, but in a good way. I love your little quirks and flaws. I love how wonderful you love. I love how you comfort me, how you sing to me and you hold me. I want you to hold me. I want to be yours and for you to be mine.
I don't want to be in love with you, because I know you won't answer it - you can't answer it. You have a relationship. And I'm happy for you, I truly am, because you deserve nothing more than true, pure happiness. So I'll never tell you what I wrote here. I don't want to make things uncomfortable for you, and I don't want to ruin our friendship. You and your sweetheart deserve each other. You make a great couple.
I once asked you what love was to you. You described it to me in your sweet voice and all I could think of was you; it was how I felt about you, and how I still feel. That is why I can hardly be around you. I want to be around you, though. One word, one look from you can make my day easily. But I know I can't have you, I know it's wrong for me to want you. I just want you. I won't tell you because I value our friendship. Being close to you is enough for me.
Forever yours,
N.
YOU ARE READING
Unsendable Love Letters
RomanceLove as unreachable as the stars Can end all fights and start all wars Join me, friend, and make a start To see the troubles of an aching heart So turn the page and you will find What goes on in a troubled mind