"do you wanna go farther?" Cameron asks me.
I nod my head as we keep walking up to mountain to get as close as we can to the Hollywood sign. I've never been here before after the 5 months I've stayed here , even while I was in Canada I've always wanted to take a trip out here and explore. My plan was to move out here for school considering they had a really good marine biology program. But I ended up following my boyfriend out here instead , funny how things turned out. My life has been a lot better out here though. No Anthony , no Lucas , no Andrew. Although Jason some how turned up on LA after being kicked out of collage.
"Here's good." I smile at Cameron.
It's been pretty hard for me to some physical activity considering Cameron let me do none for the past 3 months so I can recover , it's annoying as hell but I'm managing. I still break down all the time. I still miss my blades I still wish I could go back into my bad habits but I try to do this for Cameron I hate myself more then I ever could but apparently my feels don't matter.
"Jess you okay?" Cameron asks looking at me.
"Peachy" I smile a fake smile.
"Jessica." Cameron raises an eyebrow.
"Just let it go please .. " I sigh.
I get worked up over the stupidest things and relate everything to anorexia and how it's ruined my life. I'm honestly fucked up.
---
"There is no food in this house!" Nash whines.
"Then go shopping" Cameron chuckles.
"Can you?" Nash pouts.
"Magic word." Cameron says.
"Please?" Nash smiles.
Cameron gets off the couch "wanna come?" He looks down at me. I simply just shake my head , im still not very into big crowds , i know it's just a store but they scare me. People staring , judging me. The possibility I run into Jason.
I end up moving from the couch to the bedroom as I simply stare at the ceiling having The Script on shuffle. Half the time now I don't even feel anything. I'm numb to basically everything. I've just gone through to much to even care anymore, about anything. If it wasn't for Cameron I'd probably never get out of bed , never get out. My depression has been really bad the past week. I don't feel like doing anything, I just mope around and i know how much Cameron hates its but I can't help it. I want to get better, not me for me but for him. I want to be the best girlfriend I can be. I wanna mean everything to cam but my mental illness' are always getting in the way. I've tried taking pills but I hate them. I hate the thought of drugs making me feel better. I shouldn't have to take pills everyday to be myself. I need to attack this problem straight on. Not like this.
••
Melissa's POV
I stand there in the airport waiting for me bag to show up on the luggage belt. After I ended things with Shawn I decided it was time to check on Jessica. We still aren't speaking but I hope coming all the way here will help our relationship. Cameron also texted me a couple times telling me how she is doing and it's not good. I remember one day Jess skipped school because she wasn't feeling like herself. She got on a bus and just rod it to the last stop got off and walked for hours. After I called and texted her multiple times I tracked her phone and went to go pick her up. She had a terrible break down.
Flash back.
"Jess?.. Jessica... Please come home." I sigh siting next to her on the wet grass in the rain.
Jessica turns her head to me with tears slipping down her face. "It's to much Melissa..."
"I know Jess.. But it'll get better. I promise." I say.
"You say that every damn time. When am I going to start believing it? When are people going to leave me alone. When am I going to love myself again? When will I feel like a human being? When will the demons shut up?" Jessica started to get a little worked up.
"I-I-i dont know" I don't know how to answer that. I can't relate to her situation I just need her to know that everything will be alright.
"I'd rather skip all the pain and just go rather than going through this to be happy i dont know when." Jessica says.
"Don't say that.." I hate it when she talks like this. I don't think she understand how much I care and love her. She's my best friend. I can't lose her.
"Talk like what Melissa?! The fucking truth?! Im done! Just let me go ! I want to die understand that. I don't want this. I never asked for this!"
"You're going to get through this"
"I don't want too! You say the same thing over and over and over again ! Nothing is getting better. And frankly I don't want to get better."
"You need to relax Jessica ... Let's go home." I try to calm her down.
Jessica fought me for another hour or so, her resisting to get in the car and telling me things that I didn't want to hear, telling me all the things she was feeling all the things I didn't understand.
End of flashback
I didn't realize how long I was standing there because most of the people have cleared out and my bag just kept going about the belt alone. I shake my thoughts, grab my bag and keep walking.
I her my phone buzz as I'm waiting for a taxi.
From Shawn😅: hey did you get to LA safely?
After the break up me and Shawn have been talking occasionally. I still care and love him and i know he still loves and cares for me but you gotta do what you gotta do.
To Shawn😅: I did indeed :)
This was a last minute trip. I thought about making things right with Jessica so I booked the earliest flight down here. I still have no idea what I am going to say to her. Honestly I don't expect her to forgive me. What I did was awful, I just want her to hear me out. She's going through a lot and i know she doesn't understand a lot. I want to try and sort out one thing in her life. It's not much but it's a start. She's living in the past she needs to get over it. Not get over it as in sucking it up but its ruling her life. That was the trigger to everything else. Depression, anxiety, anorexia, self harm. If that night never happened she wouldn't be where she is right now, in a living hell. She is my best friend wether we are speaking or not I care for her way to much for her to let herself go. I know Cameron is with her and he'll always watch out for her but there are things he just doesn't understand. Things only I can fix and I'm prepared to take responsibility for my actions.
***
This update is long over due and I'm so sorry, none of readers are active anymore so I've been focussing on my other book but I promised I'd finish this so here you goooooo
Ig: cassiecea
Twitter: KickinEspinosa
Sc: cassie164
YOU ARE READING
Goodbye (Cameron Dallas ) ON HOLD
Fanfiction"Don't shut me out" Cameron says. "I don't shut people out. I lock myself in."
