The Starbucks Hotline

1 1 t h

Legend:

MACRO- Bold
ZOEY- Italic

"Hello, this the Starbucks hotline. Did you enjoy your bloody drink?"

"Haha, very funny. You know, I'm still stuck with an image of you handing me a blood-stained napkin."

"Am I beeeeeyooootiful?"

"What?"

"You know, when you picture me handing you a gross napkin."

"Actually, I can't really imagine your face. I just picture a figure handing me a bloody napkin."

"Is my imaginary figure sexy?...I'm wiggling my brows."

"No. I imagine your figure as something identical to Barney's. Only, it's not purple, but human skin colored."

"I'm flattered."

"Whatever."

"But, no. Seriously. Close your eyes"

"What? Why?"

"Just do as I say."

"But-"

"DO. IT."

"Okay, okay. Sheesh."

"Are they closed?"

"Yup."

"Ya sure yer not lyin'?"

"Oh, so now you're Hagrid? Zozo, I think you've got split personality problems."

"Shut up. Are they closed NOW?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"I control my eyelids, Zoey. I know when they're closed."

"Good boy. Now...picture my haircolor."

"What's your haircolor?"

"Guess. That's the point you idiot."

"Oh...well.....I picture you as a......red head."

"Um...okay?"

"Am I correct?"

"Maybe you are, maybe you're not."

"(Groans)"

"Okay, now picture my eyes."

"Umm...you're wide-eyed and....it's color....blue?"

"Ahh, a blue-eyed red head. That's how you picture me?"

"Yup!"

"Okay, I can live with that. Next. Picture my figure."

"Barney figure. Final answer."

"Alright, I'm hanging up."

"NO, WAIT!! I'M JUST KIDDING!!!"

"That's what I thought. Okay. Now, picture my figure for real. I mean come on, I don't want to be a blue-eyed, red headed Barney."

"Alright, alright....um...you're about 5'5....and....you're just the right size. Not too fat, not too thin, just right."

"Well, at least you got one right."

"What was that?"

"Nuthin'. Okay, last one; put together all the descriptions you gave about me and picture me standing in front of you."

"..................okay."

"Now, what d'you think I'd say?"

"...."

"....."

"....."

"....."

" 'Wow, the shithead looks like an actual shithead. How fascinating."

"Darling, I couldn't have said it better myself."