ALL I WANT [S.M]

36. Why He Didn't Tell Me

"Shawn! Where are you taking me?" I asked as he lead me into the girls bathroom. Hey, we had this place to ourselves, it shouldn't bother anyone.

He swung me around and grabbed me by the waist, kissing me, ever so passionately.

"Shawn, why are we in here?" I laughed as I pulled away, still clutching his hand.

"No talking, please, just kiss me," he pleaded, not removing his eyes from my lips as he spoke. He urged me against him, continuing the kiss.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his perfectly soft hair. His hands sailed down to my butt as he lifted my thigh to his waist and I hopped up, wrapping my legs around him as he pressed me against the wall. He kissed my neck softly as he began tugging at my shirt, attempting to take it off before I stopped him.

"Wait, wait, Shawn," I said and he immediately halted, looking concerned. "What is happening here? Why do you--what is going on?"

I unlatched myself from him and went over to the mirror straighten out disheveled clothes before I established a close distance between us. He looked down at the white tiles lining the floor.

"Shawn?"  I asked gently, lifting his chin up with a single finger.

"Well, uh," he cleared his throat, looking back down at his feet."You know about the tour,"

I nodded slowly, unsurely. "Of course I do, that's why I'm here. Speaking of, why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Because... well, I didn't know how you'd react." his eyebrows curved up and his posture became even more poor as his shoulders slumped and his head continued to hang low.

"To what? I mean, Shawn, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. You've been working for this for... so long now, and now you have your chance! And I'm so happy for you, Shawn. But what I don't understand is why you didn't tell me earlier. Like, I need to move quick if I'm going to pack all of my things and get the teachers to set up like, an online school thing for me so I can be getting school out of the way while on tour with you."

"Wait, what?" he was confused.

"Well– what? Hold on, I-I am going... I am going on tour with you... aren't I?" I questioned, taking a dizzy step backwards.

"Olivia... y-you can't." shakily, he responded.

I lost it.

"What are you saying? I can't? Of course I can! I'm your girlfriend! I've supported you up to here, you can't just leave me here!" tears brimmed my eyes, I was definitely panicking.

"Olivia, please calm down." he put his hands up as if to settle me, but I was on a rampage.

"Shawn! Calm down? I can't calm down! What are you talking about? I can't, you just, I can't just stay here?! What am I supposed to do without you?" I cried, pacing back and forth and not knowing where to go or even what to do. I was now crying, but Shawn wouldn't move, not even to comfort me, and that made me even more upset.

"Shawn, please talk to me! Why can't I go?" I whimpered, stopping my pacing to walk back up to him.

"I don't want you to go! I don't want to be your ball and chain!" he protested, and I scoffed as he proceeded,"I want you to finish school, and do big things! I don't want you to follow me around. As much as I don't want to leave you, and oh, baby, I don't want to. I don't want to at all, but I have to! It's for your own good."

"Don't tell me what's good for me." I demanded, sounding weak and vulnerable, but most of all just angry.

Shawn pressed his hands against my heated cheeks, but I wouldn't look at him in the eye."Olivia, please don't do this. I don't want to do this." I didn't respond.

His tongue brushed across his lips as he contemplated what to say, and he said,"Olivia, we can't latch onto each other right now. We have futures outside of this relationship, and right now I'm focused on achieving my future goals, and part of that is letting go of you for now so that you can create your future now too. You're so amazing, talented, and you can do anything. If this is meant to be, me and you, it will find a way. Trust me, it will, but for now... we just..."

"'We just' what?" I looked at him, my lips quivering, my eyes blurry.

"Maybe we, for now anyway... Maybe we just need to break this up." the words that I never thought would leave his mouth finally did.

I lifted Shawn's hands away from my face as I stepped back again, shaking my head excessively.

"No, no," my voice came out as a whisper.

"Olivia--" Shawn reached for my hands but I pulled them away.

"What happens when you come back from tour? We can be back together then. Right? Right?" I protested.

He hesitated, inhaling very shakily and unsurely, diverting his eyes away from mine as he leaned back against the wall behind him. "So," he started, shaking his head microscopically. "My manager, he wants me to move to LA after tour. He says it will help me with my career, get me, you know, more fans, I guess. He doesn't think me staying here in Ontario will help me get any bigger."

"So basically this is it forever." I deadpanned.

"No, don't say that. You're--just--I'm sorry, but we just have to let this go for now."

"I don't want to," I breathed, moving closer to him, but he backed away.

"Don't," he demanded, pushing me away.

He paused before slowly turning around and walking out.

It was in that moment that I prayed he would turn around and look at me, say something. I hoped he'd say he loved me one last time. I wanted something out of him. Something, anything. And when his fingers wrapped around the door handle, he stopped. He took a deep breath, and that's when I expected him to turn around. But he didn't. He didn't do anything. And as he opened the door, and left me, in the midst of his dust, my heart sank into my stomach, and all I could think about was the fact that he was leaving.

I looked down at the promise ring on my finger, and I for the first time, didn't know what to do with it.

- - -
(A/N) 10/27/15

I suck at updating I'm so sorry... btw guys, I really appreciate all of your sweet comments, and I'm glad you like this book!

update on me: I'm SOO EXCITED FOR HANDWRITTEN REVISITED OKAY IM GONNA PEE

for Halloween I'm going as alice (in wonderland) and my sister is going as the mad hatter and my friend is going as the red queen and then another friend is going at the rabbit and my mom is gonna be the cheshire cat!! it's gonna be great

-sophia