ALL I WANT [S.M]

14. What Wasn't a Secret

The hot air caused me to take a breath once I stepped out of my home, walking down the cement pathway to Shawn's car parked at the end of my driveway.

I slipped into his car, slamming the door shut and tossing my backpack at my feet, looking over at him with a sigh of relief.

"Last Monday of the school year." Shawn said happily.

"I really hope this goes by fast." I replied. Shawn set his hand on my thigh and my stomach churned. I glanced at his hand, then at his smiling face.

He leaned over and pecked his lips on my cheek and I giggled as he started the car and we began to drive off.

Of course the car ride was silent besides the sound of the radio playing something quietly in the background. Shawn was humming along and I was staring out the window.

On the drive to Pine Ridge, we passed the Starbucks where I had seen Evelyn and heard her side of the story. Remembering what she had told me made me cringe. I felt like if I didn't tell Shawn then it would like I was purposely keeping things from him, but I didn't think anything was wrong about me accidentally running into his ex-girlfriend. So I decided to tell him about my uncanny experience.

"Shawn," I said to get his attention, turning my head away from the window to meet his eyes.

"What's up?" he asked.

I hesitated. "The other day I went to Starbucks in the morning. I... uh... I ran into someone there. I ran into Evelyn." I explained.

His smile faded from his face, and he slowly removed his hand from my leg, but I didn't want to just cut off right there. I don't know why I'd didn't just stop, I was just digging the knife deeper. So I continued,"She told me what happened. Well, her side of the story anyway. And I wanted to talk to you about it..."

Shawn pulled into the school parking lot and began fiddling with his fingers and staring down as I spoke.

"She told me how you walked in on her and him doing... you know what. She told me what she said to you and how everything happened. She told me everything."

He glared at me, looking upset. What had I done to make him mad?

"Why are you telling me this? And why would you ask her, Olivia? What the hell?! That was none of your business. Why would you go snooping like that? I don't need you to fucking protect me, Olivia. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. Fuck this. I can't believe this." he shouted, making me jump. He slammed his hands on the steering wheel and grabbed his backpack from the backseat, tossing it into his lap.

"Shawn, I-" I started, placing my hand on his arm, but he flinched away, shaking his head.

"No, just don't talk to me right now, okay?" he said sadly.

"Shawn, can I explain, please!" I said. The tension was obvious, he was about to blow. It was hurting me that he was hurting because of me.

"No! God...," he began, raising his hands to the back of his head. He took a deep breath, making sure he didn't lose his temper. "I'm gonna go." he said calmly, opening the car door, stepping out.

"Shawn, don't go! Please! Why are you so-"

He slammed the car door shut, and I bursted into tears.

"...upset." I finished, crying.

The school's tardy bell rang and I grabbed my bag and wiped my eyes, fixing my makeup in the door mirror. I got out and gently shut the car door, getting out of his vehicle.

+ + +

First period passed quickly. Leah asked me if I was okay, I said yes and blamed my teary eyes and puffy face on "an argument with my mom." She fell for it though, (at least she believed me then) and then second period rolled around and I was waiting anxiously for Shawn to enter the class and come to sit next to me so I could explain and apologize for whatever I did wrong. He entered the class and sat next to me of course, but only because he was assigned to sit there. He didn't say a single word the entire time. I didn't know what to say to him, though, so I just sat quietly as well.

I hoped lunch would work out, and maybe he'd come talk to me or something. I should not have expected anything though, for when lunch arrived he sat at his old table and Leah and I sat at our usual table.

"Why isn't Shawn sitting here?" Leah asked.

I shrugged, acting like I didn't know anything. "I don't know, maybe he just wanted to hang out with his other friends for the day." I looked up at Shawn who was sitting silently in the middle of the group of loud, rowdy teenage boys. He just sat and ate.

"Oh," Leah murmured. I could tell that she noticed something was wrong, but she obviously caught that I didn't want to talk about it.

"So how was your weekend?" she asked, changing the subject.

Amazing. I spent time with Shawn. The Shawn in which I loved so much. But I didn't know what to say, or how to respond, because I didn't even know if he still loved me, or if he ever did. I didn't know why he was so mad at me for telling him something that wasn't even a secret in the first place.

"It was okay. And yours?" I shot back so I didn't have to go into detail.

"Fine. Nothing really happened." she replied, biting into her sandwich and shrugging. I nodded, and soon lunch was over. I threw away my empty styrofoam tray, and collided with Shawn on my way back to class.

"Hi, Olivia. By the way, you're gonna have to find a ride home, 'cause I can't drive you." he said. He sounded hurt, and like he was about to cry. Then he forced a fake smile and swerved around me to enter his classroom.

And ouch, his words were like a bullet to the heart.

I skipped my next period to bawl in a bathroom stall. I texted Leo and told him he was driving me home after school. He gladly agreed, and I went back to my fest of tears.

- - -
(A/N) 6/2/15

shorter chapter than usual, sorry :( um but yea hope you liked it? hah idk what to say, so... iloveyoubye

-sophia ☽