Not Alice

Chapter 1

*J's POV*

There was a time not long ago when the world wasn't crashing into pieces all around me. The walls weren't shaking, my heart was whole, and I didn't spend my nights staring out into a void all alone. I long to have these nights back, but reality won't allow that.

I am going to remain anonymous simply because it's not the time for me to be known yet. However, I am a depressed teenager who is writing her own story and I go by J. I have a small family, none of the members acknowledge me. There's my mom and dad of course, and I have a younger sister named Taylor who is 13, and the textbook definiton of an abusive pest. I thought maybe I'd get lucky and have a daring little sister who would look up to me and want to spend time with me. Taylor is the exact opposite unfortunately. She, along with the rest of my wonderful family, sees me as nothing more than a half-living corpse selfishly living in her world.

I suppose she is not wrong, but I wish to be more than an anxiety and depression filled 16 year old who destroys herself on the inside just to feel whole. I was hoping for my 16th year to be different than the others, but not as different as it turned out to be.
Two days before my 16th birthday, my parents decided to pick up and move across the country, from beautiful California to a small town in Pennsylvania, and it was the most devastating moment of my life. How could they just expect me to leave my childhood home and few friends like that? I can't really say that I'm upset about leaving my friends behind, they only liked me because they had to. Their parents were friends with mine since highschool, so I only saw them as forced friends. My house was a different story. I grew up here. It held all of my secrets and allowed me to hide who I was.

I have to say, Pennsylvania glows in the fall. The leaves turn shades of cranberry, amber and green and the whole atmosphere of the town changes. Autumn is my favorite season because like me, its dark and misunderstood. At about midnight on October 2nd, my second day here, I climbed out of my window and walked deep within the woods and discovered the place that would become my own wonderland. However, do keep in mind that I am not Alice.