The Long Road There

Crutches Like You

"I don't know T I just feel like he doesn't get me anymore. He doesn't understand. Like you get me ya know?"

"Meow."

"Yeah see you understand. I'm talking to my cat what is wrong with me?" I shook my head at myself and pushed him off of my lap.

I got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen, dragging my boot on my leg with me. I didn't bother getting my crutches cause I really didn't need them anymore. I didn't need anything to hold me up. I could hold myself up. I don't need anybody to help me do that.

I slowly opened my fridge and grabbed the orange juice and poured it into a glass.

"Come on T," I whispered as I walked down the hall to my room.

He followed me and jumped on my bed. I went to my desk and pulled out all of the photo albums I had of me and him from high school. After setting them all on my bed I pushed my crippled self on the bed and spread the books in front of me.

"Us" was the first title of the first book I picked up.

I opened it up and flipped through the pages. I felt a smile stretch across my face. I didn't really miss him, cause he hurt me and I wouldn't want to go back to that. But I just miss the way it used to be. The way we used to be.

When I was with him I didn't feel heavy. I didn't feel like something was pulling me down and just stopping me from doing anything I wanted to do. It felt more like he was holding me up. Like my crutches. I didn't need them nor did I want them. I need him to hold me up. But I don't want him to hold me up. I want to prove to myself that I can hold myself up. It was getting harder and harder to do but I needed to push myself to do it.