and then you left // cth

chapter 20: empty

These thoughts flood my mind in short spurts of realization, and it hits me suddenly and with such an impact that I can't breathe.

And then I break down.
•••
luke

"Alex!" I shout after her, but damn that girl can run. She kept sprinting until she ran out of the building, and into the parking lot, which was starting to fill with cars. A few scattered groups of girls were walking around aimlessley, looking around, and it doesn't occur to me that they are fans until they point at me and wave. It looks like they want me to come over.

This would be my first fan encounter, my first time meeting someone who supported my passion. But I can't even think of my music

Somewhere in the back of my mind, it occurs to me that Calum isn't following me.

I shove the heavy door open, squinting at the bright sun. Once my eyes adjust I've lost sight of her, and I have no clue which direction she ran. She's gone. Gone with the wind, or something like that.

"Alexis!" I yell halfheartedly, one last time. If there's one thing that I've learned about her in the past few weeks, it's that she's independent and does what she wants, usually without thinking of how it will affect the people around her. She won't come back until she's ready. I respect that and for that reason, I won't chase her.

But that doesn't stop me from chasing Calum.

I run back to the stage, a new target in mind, forcing my legs forward despite the ache in my calves. Cal is sitting on the edge of the stage, tears running down his face in two steady streams. He's never one to cry in front of others, so it perplexed me that he's just sitting out in the open, with his emotions out for the world to see. He looks absolutely shattered, but I don't know why.

"What the hell was that?" My voice is filled with anger, despite the pain in his eyes.

He doesn't seem to hear me, he just keeps crying and mumbling things. Every once in a while, he tries to dry his tears, and curses.

"Calum!" I come closer to him, and his head snaps up at his name. It's like he didn't even hear me speak before, or notice my presence at all.

When he looks us at me, there's a wild, hurt look in his eyes. I almost don't recognize him. He looks so sad, like he's been breaking for a long time, and he just finally snapped.

I slowly sit down next to him, as if he is a wild animal and any sudden movement could scare him away. I look down at the empty venue. It's weird to think that in only a few hours, the floor will be filled with some of our fans. The fact that we even have that many fans is so crazy.

We started the band about five months ago, two months after Calum moved back here. We thought that it would help distract him from whatever was wrong; give him something positive to focus on. A creative outlet, as Ashton'd called it.

And it did, but in more ways than others. He always seemed distracted. His mind was always elsewhere. His songs were always sad, his eyes empty.

"Seriously, Calum. How do you guys know each other?" He just whimpers and continues to look ahead, but he's staring right through the wall at the back of the venue, and not looking at it. Just when I begin to think he'll never reply, he opens his mouth to speak. I lean toward him, finally ready for an answer.

And of course, right then, of all the fucking times to walk in, Michael and Ashton walk in right at that moment.

I'm so done. My anger behind to fill up inside me, and I wonder when it will finally come out.
It won't be pretty when it does.