Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

EIGHT

"Okay, what I'm gonna say will sound very selfish, and I know it is and I apologize for that as well," she said very fast, like she only had one breath to admit everything, "but with my grandmother very sick at the time, and my parents' divorce and everything, I just felt like I had too much on my plate, and I didn't want to add up to your own problems because I know you were going through something tough then too, and I felt like a weight for you and that's why I chose to end our relationship and I -"

"Wait, what?" Josh asked suddenly, cutting through her monologue. Her parents' divorce? Josh certainly knew about Debby's grandmother, but he had never been aware that her parents were going through a divorce. And all of a sudden, Josh felt sick to his stomach. 

Nervous, he stood up, pacing the room like it could prevent his guts from churning painfully. Josh hated himself. He hated every single inch of his body and mind. Debby talked about selfish, but selfish he was. Josh was the embodiment of selfishness. In his own pain, he had blinded himself from the pain of others. He had been unable to see the struggles of the girl he pretended to love. But is it really love when you don't see the hurt in the other's eyes? Is it really love when all you cared about was yourself and your little broken heart?

"Your parents got divorced?" he dared to ask, just to make sure he understood. 

"Yeah," she answered calmly, "my mom asked for divorce the summer before junior year and uh..." Her voice broke, and when Josh looked over, Debby was looking down at her feet. But she continued nonetheless, because that's what needed to be done. "It was hard. They fought all the time, and the divorce was only granted for good last summer. Can you believe it lasted a whole year?"

She raised her head at that point, and Josh was speechless. He couldn't believe anything right now. Not this, not his previous lack of empathy and care for his girlfriend, nothing. He had been so caught up in what he was going through that he had never imagined that Debby could be going through stuff as well. And he felt horrible. Slowly, he approached her and knelt right in front of her, taking her small hands in his. They were cold, like always.

"Debby," Josh whispered, looking straight into her eyes, "I'm so sorry." He lifted her hands to his forehead, hiding his own eyes behind her palms, repeating the word he had so often heard from her. He felt tears threatening the corner of his eyes, and right now, he was unable to tell if the mix of feelings running through his body was all his or hers. 

"Josh," Debby finally said, her voice reaching Josh's heart like a soft protecting glove, "Josh, it's okay, I'm not mad at you, please..." She untangled her hands from his, only to dive into his hair, her face getting closer to his. Then, as Josh wasn't moving, Debby slid her body right against his to hug him. They hadn't done that in a while, and it felt so good, so right, that neither of them wanted to let go until they finally did. 

"I know this doesn't change anything," Debby said after they both sat back down properly on the bed. "I broke your heart."

Josh shrugged. "I think I broke yours too, by being so ignorant."

Debby gave Josh a little tap on the knee all the while rolling her eyes, and her smile brightened the room. "Shh. I told you I'm not mad at you," she said, her hand lingering on the boy's leg. "Let's just say that maybe we were too young. We weren't ready to see past our own feelings." 

Silence settled for a few minutes, as Josh's fingers found Debby's. He held her hand for what seemed like forever, and when she spoke again, he didn't want to let go. "Can you forgive me, Josh?"

The boy knew the answer to that. Debby was right: maybe they were just too young, or not ready to focus on someone else yet, to shift their attention to another person than their own just for a second. Maybe things wouldn't have got so bad if they had been ready, but Josh was persuaded that difficult situations happened for a reason. It just made them stronger. Sometimes, it was pretty hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there had to be light, somewhere, even far away. 

"Mh, I don't know, I'll think about it," he said with a smirk,  and Debby elbowed him playfully.

Right at that moment, they both heard a knock on the door, and Tyler's head appeared. "Just checking on you guys. I couldn't hear a sound so I wondered if one of you killed the other..." he said joyfully, "but I'm glad it didn't happen."

Josh smiled at him. His heart swelled just thinking about how this boy was completely flipping his life over now that he was in the picture. Ever since they started to hang out, Josh's life had significantly improved. He got closer to his mom, started having deep conversations with her about himself. He was feeling cared for, listened to. He had a friend, maybe even two now that Debby and him had made peace. Overall, Josh just felt a hundred percent more confident than before. And all that, thanks to a dark-haired mysterious boy called Tyler Joseph. 

One thing was for sure: Josh couldn't wait to see what was next.

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Pretty productive few days: one update for my story "You Can Take It Off" yesterday, and now one update here. I can't wait to show you what's next. I hope you like magic.