Lingering Thoughts : Ebullient sorrow

Sorrow

I find myself missing you with such intensity that I feel sick inside. Listening to the music you used to love, I feel you in every song. Every verse, every note, every second...

I keep asking myself as time keeps moving forward...

How am I supposed to get through my next birthday without you?

How am I supposed to celebrate, knowing you died on that day? Feeling that it was my fault that you're gone?

It's such a heavy feeling. 

I don't want to be another year older,knowing my age surpassed yours. I don't want it at all. I don't want to remember. 

I'm scared.I'm really scared.

If this is what I'm feeling now... what will I feel when the time actually comes?

All I know is that I miss you.