Septiplier One Shots

To Be Loved

Jack's POV

To be loved is to be made to feel like the sun shines only for you, like the very stars are jealous of the way your eyes sparkle, like the world keeps on spinning just to make you happy. To be loved is to wake up warm and safe in the arms of the person you loved, knowing that they would give you the whole world, that they do everything they can to make you happy, to make you laugh and smile. To be loved... Is to love someone else and not be afraid to admit it. Being loved was such an amazing thing, but it hurt like hell to love someone and have it be one sided. I honestly don't know what's worse: Not knowing if they could ever love you back, or knowing for sure that they don't. I suppose that not knowing is worse, if you knew then you could cry over it and move on to someone else. When you never know, you look into every little thing that person says. What could they have meant when they said that? Was that meant to be friendly or could they have been flirting? Was it just another little joke? It was a never ending cycle of dissecting every conversation to find some deeper meaning to their words, to find some proof that maybe they liked you too.

It gets bad too, really bad. You have to watch yourself whenever you're around them. You watch how you act, what you say, how you say it, everything you do is scrutinized by yourself in an attempt to act like you did before you began loving them. How can you act like that if you've always loved them though? What if from the very start you felt that rush that made you giddy, the nervous butterflies in your stomach, the heat that went from your face to the very tip of your ears? How can you act normal when all you want to do is just pull them in close and tell them the truth? To kiss them until you have to pull away just to catch your breath? It's like your own little personal hell of a circus, and I am the clown who hides his real feelings behind a smile as fake as my own red nose. Well, maybe I don't want to be the clown anymore! Maybe I want to be the tightrope walker, the one who is brave enough to stand up there and take a risk for once! Maybe... Maybe I want to know once and for all what hurts more, not knowing or being rejected.

This stupid little thought is what led to me standing outside Mark's door, my hand raised to knock before the reality of it all suddenly crashed into me. What had I been thinking?!? I couldn't just.. Just admit to him how I felt! I didn't have the courage to do that, I hadn't even come out to him! I nodded, turning around to leave when suddenly the door swung open, a familiar voice teasing, "Well hey there Jack, you just gonna stand there or you gonna come on in?" I froze, feeling a blush creep up on my cheeks as I plastered a smile to my face, turning back around to see Mark leaning against the frame of the door. "H-Hey Ma-Mark, I uh... Sure I'll come in!", I stammered, mentally face palming at my ever present eloquence while Mark laughed, pulling me into his house. "Come on man, to the living ruhm!", he yelled, leading me there before flopping down on the couch. I sat down next to him gingerly, looking down at my hands as I began twiddling my thumbs. I cleared my throat, my blush only getting worse as I felt him staring at me out of curiosity. "So.....", Mark drawled, propping himself up to look at me properly before continuing, "What's the occasion Jack? You aren't one to just come over unannounced, so what's up? Something wrong?"

My voice shook a little as I mumbled, "Y-yeah... I-I g-guess ya c-could say tat Ma-Mark..." I glanced up, seeing his eyebrow raised before I hastily explained, "I-I'm f-fine, I jus' ne-needed ta t-tell ya s-something important..." At that Mark sat up, scooting closer to me before wrapping an arm around my shoulders, his voice low and warm, "Hey, whatever it is you can tell me Jack... I'm your best friend remember?" I nodded, my eyes stinging as tears welled up in them. "I-I jus' wa-want ya t-ta know that I... I don't want this t-ta ruin our fr-friendship Mark... I... Ya mean so much to me... Yer my idol and my hero Mark... This... This could ruin it all..", I stuttered, my voice cracking as I looked away from him. Suddenly, he wrapped both arms around me, pulling me into a hug as he rubbed my back. I sobbed softly, burying my face in his shirt as I held him back tightly. "Jack... It doesn't matter what you ever say or what you ever do, it can't ruin our friendship... I don't care what it is you have to say, I will always be here for you. I promise you this Jack, I will always be here when you need to talk to me, so never be afraid to tell me something.", Mark murmured, kissing my forehead lightly. I peeked up at him, my face red and my eyes watery as I asked, "Y-ya promise me Mark?" He nodded, then seemed to hesitate before admitting, "If it makes it easier, I need to tell you something too Jack, something really... Really important."

I looked up at him in confusion, sniffling softly before wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. "Y-yeah Mark? Wh-what is it?", I questioned, eager to know what he had to tell me that was so important. He sighed, pulling away a little before mumbling, "I... I'm not quite... Well... Jack I'm not entirely straight." My eyes widened in surprise, feeling like I was in some kinda weird dream where I actually had a chance. "See, I... I'm bisexual Jack... I've uh... I've known about it for... Two years now? Three? I've hid it from you and the others for so long... I took a while to come to terms with it, I just... I never thought I could love another man really, I just always thought I was straight...", he explained, laughing softly at the end. He looked at me, a gentle smile on his face as he continued, "I know now though, it's really easy to love another man, especially when he's your best friend..." I felt my cheeks turn bright red and I thought about all the times Mark had said I was his absolute best friend, and I nodded before saying, "Y-yeah, I-I know h-how easy it is... Especially when y-yer best is yer idol and yer pe-personal hero..." Now Mark's eyes widened, and he asked, "You... You love me Jack?" I nodded again, my whole face up to the tips of my ears heating up.

A huge grin covered Mark's face, and he pulled me closer to him before kissing me on gently on the lips. I timidly wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back as I smiled. This... This was perfect... It was all I wanted... After a few moments, Mark pulled away, a little out of breath as he flashed me that brilliant 1000 watt smile of his. "Wow Jack, I didn't know Irish people were great kissers~", Mark teased, laughing as I hid my face in his shirt again. "Sh-shut up ya smelly!", I said, breaking into a giggle fit after that. We spent the rest of the night cuddling on the couch, and when I woke up the next morning, Mark was still holding me close to him with his arms wrapped around my waist. I smiled up at him, kissing his cheek as I snuggled back down. I guess I had my answer, it was much better to know how my crush felt than to live life never knowing....