and then you left // cth

chapter 19: emotionless

I hop into the shower, letting the steam fill up the whole bathroom as I blast music Gram wouldn't approve of. I scrub my body with some scented soap and then wash and condition my hair.

After I get out, I debate whether or not to shave my legs. There isn't really a need to, as I planned on wearing jeans. Despite this, I pick up the purple razor and hold it in my hand, noticing the way the blades glint in the harsh bathroom light. After Calum left, I turned to razors like this one to numb myself of the pain I was feeling. This worked for a while, but then it didn't anymore and I was left an emotionless wreck just as I was before. Only this time, I was covered in scars.

"Screw it," I mutter and shut my the drawer too hard. It makes a loud sound as it closes and I jump.

I quickly tug a comb through my hair and attempt to blow dry it. I've never really had enough patience to do it fully, I give up when it's still limp and damp. Next, I wash my face and apply some makeup before brushing my teeth.

I wrap the warm towel around my body and exit the bathroom, and then pull on some dark washed high waisted jeans.

As I peer into my closet looking for a shirt to match, a certain cropped black tee catches my eye and I smile as I slip it on, over a black bra.

After that, I slip on my usual pair of black vans and smile at my reflection for once in my life.

I am so ready.

I grab my phone and some money, before practically skipping down the stairs. I find Gram sitting at the kitchen table, nibbling on a muffin and flipping through the newspaper. Despite the numerous times I've tried to convince her that watching the news on TV is a better spend of her time, she continues to prefer the old-fashioned way.

"Good morning, Alexis. You're sure up early." She gives me a perplexed look, which I deserve. This is probably the first time since I've got here that I've been up before noon. Back at home, I would sleep all day, every day. During the rare occasion that I would have enough energy and will to get out of bed, I would do so during the night. Something about the night drew me in, and I've always preferred the moon to the sun. But this sort of a sleep schedule did not allow me to participate actively in my classes, and my attendance went down as my level of happiness did as well.

"Yeah. It's Luke's first show today." I remind her and lean up against the counter, my fingers tapping on the granite in front of me. I know a lecture is coming when she sets down her newspaper, a clear sign that I've come to recognize.

"So, you and Luke sure seem to be getting along well," she notes and I groan. I don't want to admit that she was right, that first day she forced us to conversate. While maybe one day I'll thank her, that day will not come for a long, long time. One after I am able to get over the fact that she forced me to come here, without giving me the slightest opinion.

"Yeah. We have a lot in common." I say dismissively, glancing out the front window every once in a while in search of Luke.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" She presses for more detail. I keep my eyes on the window, searching for him.

"Um... Music and stuff." I tell her vaguely, hoping she'll accept my answer and drop the subject.

"Alexis, is Luke your boyfriend?" With that sentence, she is able to tear my gaze away from the window.

"Oh, God, Gram, no. We're just friends." My answer probably sounds cliché to her, but she doesn't know what I've been through. Why I'm here in the first place, that it all comes back to my boyfriend.

I wonder what she'd think of me dating if she knew that was the cause of this entire thing.

"Okay. Are you-" But I don't let her finish as I finally see Luke pulling up to the curb.