Matters Of The Heart Pt. II

Feelings (Letter To Him)

Cody,

I am about five seconds away from breaking... about five away from truly just shattering. I love how everything is apparently my fault, and I'm to blame for someone cheating on me- with my best friend. It honestly makes me laugh.....

Yeah ok, I'll admit it. I'm a bitch. And most the time I am proud to admit it. Because on days like this, when you should be cheerful and excited- I'm instead wanting to break, yet I won't. Why? Because I won't take peoples shit anymore.

I agreed to marry you. Gave you my hand, gave you my heart.I threw away Christmas with my family, listen to my mother cry over and over again on the phone.... and for what? For you to blame me for the fighting? Blame me for your "moment of weakness" and your cheating? You're a hypocrite. You begged me not to be like your ex, and turn around and cheat on you with your best friend.... and instead YOU became HER. YOU did exactly what you begged me not to do. And with whom? MY best friend and MY baby sis.

You honestly disgust me sometimes. Blaming me for shit when you're just as much to blame. And I'm expected to run back to your pathetic family (who can't even communicate with one another), and run into their arms... the same arms of people who talked (and continue) to talk shit about me. And yet you won't turn to mine? You won't turn to the people who continue to help you, day in and day out? Where the fuck does that make sense?

You know what gets to me the most, and bothers me the most..... the fact you say one thing -to MY face- and then go around and tell someone else (namely the bitch you cheated on me with) another. YOU told me to go to Will, to give him a chance... "If he makes you happy, then go to him." and yet, mentioning he'll be here in December pisses you off. Mentioning the fact that HE asked me out pisses you off. Even just me talking to him irritates you. Like what the fuck. Seriously?

I'm done. If you don't wanna be with me anymore than say so. And don't say it to everyone else; grow a pair and say it to my face. Stop beating around the bush and actually admit you just don't wanna commit.  

Sincerely,

Your fed up- and broken- fiancée