Strings Attached

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

All this time I was trying to get closer, but it had only caused her to push me away and I was running out of options. I wanted to tell her I had feelings for her. I wanted to tell her I was regretting my actions so much that every breath I took felt heavy with pressure to make amends. But I was afraid to confront her with those things when she looked so fragile like the slightest touch could break her. And then there was the issue of what I could possibly say to make her understand how I felt. I've changed my mind. You're not the little shameless gold-digger I made you out to be... I'm sorry. Please, forgive me for treating you like you meant nothing to me. Please, forgive me for... Even in my thoughts I couldn't bring myself to say it without being ashamed of myself and the feeling was impossible to shake off.

A silent curse broke through me and I clenched my fist to compose myself before I lost it right there on the parking lot. Regardless of the mess in my head, I had to keep it together for the both of us. Isabelle reached for the handle of the door and, instinctively, I brushed my hand against hers and opened the door of the car, waiting for her to come in. Her eyes widened in surprise and I felt like a complete asshole. Of course she didn't expect anything nice from me. In her eyes, I must have been a monster. If I could put my money on it, I'd bet she feared me more than Satan.

When I joined her in the car, the aura of tension settled in between us. With the intention to give her some space, I looked outside the window and observed Las Vegas at night. Usually, I never took the time to do those little things, but lately it felt as if my fast moving world was slowing down around me. After denying myself the privilege to look at her for a while, her deep breathing disrupted my self control and I made myself look her way. The sight in front of me made me swallow hard. I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from losing control. Like a goddess, she was fast asleep with the strands of her natural golden hair falling down her blushing cheeks. My hand twitched in desire to remove those strands from her face and gently caress her soft skin. Achingly, I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel her without her body shivering in trepidation.

As if she could sense my stare on her, she produced a grimace on her face and I instantly knew she was having another bad dream. I waited for her to scream my name and beg me not to hurt her like she always had, but she remained silent. She didn't cry in hysteria, shocked by the fact that in her dream I'd cause her unspeakable pain despite her desperate pleas. To my surprise, she didn't utter a single sound, and I was struck by the realization that her silence hurt more than her screams.

Without false pretenses, I wasn't a person who cared about the world. I wasn't somebody who felt compassion towards people. But her... I cared about her more than I cared about myself. Seeing her shiver in the sudden fear of her dream again, I wanted to hold her in my arms and offer her protection, even though I was defeated by the resolution that I was the one she needed to be protected from.

When the driver braked and started swearing at some idiot who cut him off, Isabelle's eyes suddenly snapped open and met mine. She gasped as she slowly realized where she was and what was happening. I could tell that my unmoving stare made her feel uneasy, but as if I was glued to her, I couldn't look away and give her a peace of mind. Despite my wish to get lost in that mesmerizing shade of brown, she was the one to look away. As we neared the hotel, she was getting more nervous. So was I. The incident from the day before when she had a panic attack in the bathroom still occupied the very core of my mind. If there was anything that managed to touch me in my entire life, it was the image of her helpless and mistrusting stare.

The building of the hotel finally appeared before our eyes and I saw her sigh in discomfort. I got out of the car and immediately started practicing my new made promise to myself. Pay attention to her. As if I'd performed a magic trick, the surprise in her eyes was immense when I gently laid my hand on the small of her back and started leading her towards the entrance. It felt pleasant. It felt as if she was mine and even though I knew it was only for a few short minutes, I liked the feeling.