30 Days to Love

Day 29: All of Me

Shauna hands in her final and walks out of her last class of her undergraduate career. She can't help herself. She raises her hands in the air in victory, not caring if she looks ridiculous. She just completed 17 years of academic studying and testing. She can't believe this is it. She's officially done with school. She still has the graduation ceremony but that's really just a formality. No more cramming for exams or writing term papers. From now on her work will be contributing toward real world problems. She gets to her car and does a little dance before she gets inside.

She pulls out her phone and sees a missed call – from James. She had been wondering if he was going call her and now that he has, she's not sure what to do.

She calls Margaret instead. "Where are you?"

"I'm already at the bar! Get over here now! It's time to celebrate!"

"Okay, I'll be right there."

Shauna gets to the bar just off campus and Margaret screams, "Whoooo! Hooooo! We did it. You need a shot. I'm getting you a shot." Margaret runs to the bar. She orders two shots and runs back to Shauna with them.

"Do a shot with me." She hands Shauna one of the shots.

"Okay!"

"1-2-3, go!"

They both toss back the shot and wince from the sting of the tequila.

They high five each other and start dancing to the jukebox. The entire bar is filled with ecstatic, dancing students.

"I need to sit down," Shauna says, breathless.

"Okay, let's grab that booth over there."

On the way, two guys step into their path.

"Hi, I'm Chad and this is Mike."

"Hi Chad and Mike," Shauna says, flirtatiously.

"We're not interested," Margaret says and pulls Shauna around the guys.

"Hey, why did you do that? They seemed like nice guys. And cute too."

They get to the booth and take a seat.

"My heart is Jeremy's and I know you feel the same way about James, even though you don't want to admit it."

"I think I need another shot," Shauna starts to leave the booth.

Margaret grabs her arm.

"I know you and James are in a rough spot right now. But as your best friend and the person who knows you better than anyone else in the world, you need to forget about the past and try to make it work with him."

"It's been harder than I thought it would be to get the image of Kate out of my mind from other night. He almost married her. And he tried getting back together with her, just a week ago. How do I just ignore that?"

"You know, I'm a lot like James. I'm a screw up when it comes to relationships. So believe me, I know how goddamn lucky I am that you and Jeremy never gave up on me. I hurt you both but you found a way to forgive me. I think I actually feel for the guy. He is me – can't you give him one more chance?"

"M, you and James are very different. First, I'm not sleeping with you. And second, we've known each other since we were kids. I've known James for what? 30 days? I know you mean well but James and I ... we're just victims of bad timing. Maybe if I had met him two years from now things would have worked out?"

"Or maybe they can still work out now if you just talk to him?"

"I know what I'm going to work on right now. I'm going to go get a glass of water and let my buzz wear off and then go home and watch a bunch of bad TV. You want some water too?"

"Sure." Margaret leans back in frustration. She tried her best.

Margaret and Shauna hang out with other classmates for another hour, sober up, and decide to pick up some pizza on the way home.

When they turn into the driveway, their headlights light up the porch. James sits and waits for Shauna. Margaret smiles and grabs the food. "You coming?"

"You're enjoying this way too much," Shauna turns off the engine and they both head up to the front of the house.

Margaret gives James a hug while holding the food. "Hi, I'll leave you two to talk."

"Thanks M," Shauna says.

James holds the door for Margaret and closes it once she makes it inside. He turns around to face Shauna.

"Hi," he says.

"Hi."

"I'm not very good at this."

"At what?"

"This ..." He points at her then at himself. "boy/girl relationships. I seem to fuck them up royally."

"I'm not sure what you want me to say."

"I know I don't deserve one but I'm hoping you'll give me a second chance."

Shauna steps to the edge of the porch and looks out at the neighborhood.

"How do I know you're not panicking like you did with your ex? You tried to get back together with her too. Maybe you just don't want to be alone?"

"No, that's not true."

"How can you be so sure?"

James moves close to Shauna. He turns her around to face him. She can feel his warm breath on her face. His striking blue eyes explore hers. She can't help but get lost in his gaze. He reaches out and very gently touches her soft, pale skin.

"Because I love you Shauna."

At hearing these words, Shauna takes in a quick breath. She feels herself trembling, hoping James can't tell. Her palms are getting sweaty.

"I love you so much," he says again. "With you, I can be who I'm supposed to be. I need you to know that ... you have all of me – my heart and soul. I will do anything to earn your trust back. Tell me what I need to do."

Shauna looks at James. "I want to believe what you are saying."

"I feel like there's something here to fight for. Don't you?"

"My head is so screwed up right now. I don't know what to think."

"I want you to be happy."

"I know. I want you to be happy too." Shauna leans in and kisses him on the cheek. He pulls her to him. Shauna can feel his heart beating quickly in his chest. She holds him, knowing that is all she can give at this moment. And he's happy to finally be in her arms, even if she's unsure she'll ever be able to give more.