Accidentally Loving Mr. Step-Father (BxB)

Chapter 29: Stay With Me

Chapter 29
Eros Dylan Donovan
Stay With Me

Pacing back and forth, my fingers on my chin, thinking deeply, I'm aware all eyes are on me, watching me as I struggle to calm myself down. This doesn't happen always. In fact, this is the first time that I've waited anxiously for a surgery to get done as soon as possible. It's not like I had a family who had a surgery before. This is a first.

To be honest, I'm more depressed than the father himself. Mikel is just looking calm and laid back, like the man in the Operation Room is not his son. But I do understand Gloss' point, Noah's boyfriend. Nothing good will happen if you think something bad's going to happen. I told him I was just worried. Then he said something unexpected that caught me off guard.

"Why do you need to worry if you know a positive thing will happen?" He threw back at me. I just looked at him. "Worry and negativity sometimes are connected. You won't worry, you're set. If you're worrying, then there's this teeny tine part at the back of your head that says negative things."

He's right. What do I need to worry about if I know that everything is going to be alright, and everything is going back to the way it used to be? Yes. But what if Mike wakes up, and he decides that he doesn't want me anymore? That he hates me? I'd break. I can't handle being rejected by him. He can break my heart, because I broke his, but the thought of losing him sends me to the edge, making the rim of my eyes water at the thought, my heart beating like a drum, each beat is painful.

The surgery has been going on for hours now, and so far, we haven't gotten any news yet. Dr. Zuta is still inside that goddamn Operating Room, doing god knows what to my Mike.

"I want to vomit," someone says. I whip my head to the direction of the person who said it. It's Nero. And he's glaring me. "Calm yo' ass down. Mike's going to make it!"

Sighing, I take a seat beside him. Brad is fast asleep on Mikel's arms. I introduced him to Mikel and he was very happy to see Mike's dad. He said he has the same features as him and has the same accent, which made Brad frown a little because Mikel's accent is much more slang than Mike's. But nonetheless, they had fun together. Mikel let out his father side and played with Brad and until he got tired and slept. And now, he's being craddled by Mikel, who has his arms around him, rubbing his back to comfort him. Everyone's kind of giving me sympathetic looks but I just brush it away. Everyone except Gloss. He sure does know how to make me lift myself up. I don't want to receive those looks, because it makes me guilty. But what's been done is done. The damaged has been done. There's nothing I can do to change it. But there's something I can to make up for it.

+++

'Mike, I'm really for what happened. I felt so guilty. I was being an asshole, and it was my fault you got into this mess. I knew I should have swayed you up in my arms, but I chose not to. I was being dumb. I wasn't in the right state of my mind. You made me happy, Mike. And the thought of losing you is making my heart bleed with guilt and pain. Physically and mentally. I'm not yet ready if you'll leave me. But you can leave me. For you, I'll move on. I will let you leave me. I will leave you alone and never bother you again. Of course, you can still see Brad. But I won't be there when you see him. I don't want to see my man being with another pair of arms, holding you tight as he whispers adorable things right in your ear, as he showers you with love. I can't bear the sight of it. I'll set you free. I know that before you turned 18, you already wanted to leave the house and us, so I'm going to give you that privilege. I will never ever stop you. But there's one thing I cannot do: I cannot remove my love for you. It will stay within me until I die. I love you, Mike. I know it's too fast and wondering why the hell could I love you at the small time frame that we've been given. To be honest, I don't know, too.

In case you're wondering, I do not love Mel. At first, I thought I did. But I realized that I was just looking for someone who could stay beside me, who could fill the emptiness that I was feeling, who could make me satisfy. But then you came. You changed me. Too cliché, but it's true. You filled them emptiness that my parents had left. You stood beside me. You made me satisfy with just having you around. You made me feel love. You cared for me and Brad. And I'm thankful to you.