Not a princess I wanna be a prince. (The story of a transgendered person)

Frustration

I'm honestly considering writing down things about being Ftm transgender for my mom. Hopefully I can make her understand how much it hurts and how it triggers my dysphoria when she refers to me as female. I'm trying so hard to fight and finally be seen as Taran the nerdy independent boy who loves law and batman instead of my mom constantly calling me by my birth name and not wanting to hear anything about being transgender. I mean she's letting me dress as a boy and everything but still calls me a girl and says she won't call me Taran because she named me my birth name and that's it. I guess I'll wait until we get some of my doctors situated and talk to her about it. On a happy note I found out that my insurance pays for hormone replacement therapy so at my next doctors appointment I'm going to ask if I can start hormone therapy as soon as possible. Last time I saw my doctor they diagnosed me with endometriosis and put me on estrogen pills. I literally felt like dying and refused to take them because they'll just make me even more of a girl and I don't need that to happen. Also my mom again keeps telling me that I don't need to be concerned with being transgender and that it's not important. Thanks for telling me that I'm not important mom I greatly appreciate it. Honestly I'm considering telling my dad about me being transgender but I have no idea how I'll even bring it up. My dad and I live in the same house but we literally only say about ten words a day to each other and have serious relationship issues. I'm not even going to bring it up with my other family members because almost all of them are super judgmental or transphobic. But I told my uncle who I'm extremely close to that I was transgender and he says that he's extremely proud of me for telling him and accepts me as his nephew. It was the best day ever. :/ and my mom and I just got in a fight. Apparently Miley Cyrus is gender fluid and I was explaining it to my mom. -_- She just looks at me and goes "oh so she's like you?" And said how I'm both genders. I literally screamed at her that Im FTM transgender and that I'm a boy. She's still convinced this is a phase no matter how much I explain to her that it isn't. And when I told her I wanted top surgery eventually she looks at me and says "why? You hardly even have a chest." I told her that wasn't the point I still have a pretty big chest and its noticeable that I have boobs. The only person who understands is my therapist but that's her job. On a lighter note I saw this adorable MTF transgender who's only five years old. I couldn't help it and I smiled saying how pretty she was and how much I loved her sparkly grey shoes. It was so adorable because she just smiled up at me and was so happy because I said she was pretty that it made my entire week. It was also nice to see a little kid so happy and accepting their true selves. Honestly it's shocking how many ftm transgenders there are in my county. I know four ftm transgenders not including myself that live in the community and so far only one mtf transgender which was the adorable little kid I met. It sucks that there isn't any lgbt support groups in my community because it's so taboo in the freaking Bible Belt. It's gotten to the point where people come up to me in our small little store that we have and constantly invite me to church. This one girl literally showed up at our house and told my mom that I need the word of God. It was funny because she said I wasn't home and that we don't need the word of God then slammed the door in the girls face. That's the one thing I love about my mom she always told me growing up "you don't have to go to church unless you want to."